Back from my trip and problems with FB

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by stuckinchicago6, Mar 27, 2011.

  1. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Well, it didn't go as bad as I thought it would. A few arguments with my mom. She embarrassed me a few times in front of my husband. Thankfully, nothing too damaging. I wasn't 100 percent happy with the way he was. The thing I have learned in my 22 years of life is that it is really sad how sometimes you can't trust anybody. Not a husband, not family, not friends, and not even parents. A good majority of people in this world are just extremely insensitive. All the same, at least I seen more of the world and the trip was somewhat of a success.

    I got back here yesterday. I had an amazing flight. The first time I ever slept on a flight and I felt amazing. Fast forward to home. I know it is soooo childish to let FB get in the way of my relationship, but honestly. My husband had posted pics from the trip to his profile, but then I discovered that he set the album to private. I was beyond hurt. Feeling that he is ashamed of me. He tried to say that he only set it to private, so I can pick and choose the pics I want to keep up before he set it to public, but I don't really believe his story. Then. his family always "likes" his pics when they are of him alone, but whenever he posts pics with me they never give "likes". :( I try to discuss this with him, but he gets annoyed at my sensitivity. I deactivated my old FB for him and now we just add pics to his and I have his password too, but I miss my old FB where my family and friends actually commented and always loved my pics and always made me feel like a princess. Sorry, I know this rant must sound too childish, but social networking is a big part of our society now and I wish they would give my pics the same attention that they give his brother's girlfriend's pics. Or maybe they will never like me as much as her because she is of their same culture.
  2. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    So then give him the go-ahead to make the pictures public and he'll make them public. Simple. I see this more of a gesture benefitting your sense of privacy so that you won't see some picture you wish he hadn't posted for everyone to see. I don't really see the conflict in this at all. As for his family not liking you, oh well. So what. Don't let their perceived distaste for you get in the way of your feelings for him. You're married to him, not his mother or father.
  3. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Thanks a lot for trying to make me feel better, but really I don't believe him about FB. I believe that he is ashamed of me, so he set pics to private to avoid his family and friends from seeing.
  4. lostbutnotfound

    lostbutnotfound Well-Known Member


    This does sound more about your low self esteem than about his actions hon. If there are concerns then sit him down and properly explain how upset this has made you, so that he can learn from this and not do it again. As I said, I do think this is more about how you feel about yourself than how he may feel about you.

    Take care :arms:
  5. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    I really wouldnt worry about it, facebook is a pure joke anyway
  6. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    I am happy I have gotten more opinions on this. My low self-esteem is almost paralyzing to me. Unfortunately, I just can not get over this incident. It is so hurtful to me. He has apologized. I have discussed it with him at every angle. He keeps telling me it is not what I think, but I still feel sooooo bad. Being insecure with my appearance makes it so difficult to maintain a healthy relationship. I take everything personally. I get sad over everything and it just really hurts. :(
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun you have to let this go okay you have stated your thoughts and concern and he has given you a good explanation really He loves you if he was ashamed of you he would not have married you please try not to hold onto that pain let it go for the sake of the relationship He is aware now of how you feel he will be more care now and not make the pic private next time hugs
  8. Illusion

    Illusion Well-Known Member

    I can see that you're insecure and have low self esteem. While reading this topic, I was like "this reminds me of someone.. and that someone is me". But yeah. Don't worry if his family never likes any of the pictures you're in with him. Like Angerfist said, Facebook is a joke. Most social sites are actually. Your husband married you and loves you. I know how insecurity and low self esteem can take over who you are and make things difficult, but you can't let it bother you to a point where you assume your husband is ashamed of you. That'll only create problems and false assumptions.
  9. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    hope i'm not opening up a can of worms here, and i'll state up front that i have never had a facebook, myspace or twitter account

    why did you close your facebook account? married or not you are still an individual with your own set of friends that i'm reasonably sure don't all know your husband - if he asked that you close it i think he is the insecure one

    as for his family, you didn't marry them although it may feel like it - and while it's always easier when your in-laws like you, the most important relationship is between you and your husband - the hell with the rest of them
  10. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    yeah, you should reopen your facebook account, post your own pix and get comments from your own friends. i always think it's weird when a couple shares an account. what is the point of that? you are an independent person. you have your own friends, right, people you knew before you were together as a couple? your own family? time to reassert some independence.
  11. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    Re-open your Facebook account (necessary in this day and age). Connect with your friends and your family.
  12. black_rose_99

    black_rose_99 Well-Known Member

    I would agree - have your own Facebook account to have your own friends and family say things that will help your self esteem. Be aware of the other pitfalls of Facebook though, and keep your eyes open when reopening it, especially with your self esteem

    I would also add - you know the password to his account, so I doubt very much he would be hiding anything, or doing things behind your back. It sounds like his explanation was reasonable - if he was trying to hide things, I doubt you would share a password (unless he doesn't know, in which case ignore what I just wrote)

    Lots of hugs
  13. stuckinchicago6

    stuckinchicago6 Well-Known Member

    Hi all, thanks for the feedback. :) He never asked me to deactivate. I did it because I honestly had way too many people on my list and I wanted to avoid any possible drama. After having an account for over 3 years and tons of old comments on it and "likes" from old friends, problematic relatives, and even ex bfs, well you get the idea of why I assumed deactivating would be a good thing. Shortly after I deactivated mine, he deactivated his because of similar reasons and he threw out the idea to start a new one. Still, this new one has become his. I haven't had the time to add people to it, it is all his family and friends, and they always write in his language with him. Maybe I will reopen mine sometime in the future. However, with my schedule, it doesn't even seem possible to keep up with it.
    I have realized that maybe I sometimes think too much and take things too personal. Better to just live my life than stress on petty things. Everyday is just a struggle for me with my self-esteem. People who have never had problems with self-esteem just do not understand what it is like to obsess over every flaw and be soooooo sensitive, analyzing every situation.
  14. black_rose_99

    black_rose_99 Well-Known Member

    I honestly do understand what it's like and what the struggle you went through was with your low self esteem. If I'm totally honest, I would have probably reacted in the same way, but I didn't want to make my comment about me (although maybe should have put a bit more understanding into it!) and thought some constructive and objective helping might be more beneficial. I'm sorry if I didn't empathise.

    Maybe you could create a new Facebook and add the people you genuinely want (i.e. no ex boyfriends) only?