I've come back again, after having a short period of time where life was bearable. I cut myself again. The emotions I felt were very heavy and mixed, the blade feeling good against my skin but at the same time I let myself down. I keep reaching for my blade as comfort and though I know its wrong I can't seem to stop. I don't truly want to stop because the release helps. I guess I have been a little more stressed lately and that may have caused some of it, but really it feels like the sadness was being masked for a while and now the mask has been taken off. My chest hurts from the sadness and I try to hide any emotions from everyone else for fear of bringing them down but really I just want to scream. Last night I sat awake debating taking the car keys and driving... just driving until I couldn't go any further and then ending everything. Contrary to what those around me think, I am not seeking attention. I do not want sympathy nor do I really need anyone to take notice of my situation and 'hear me out'. I just want to pain to stop. At the very least I need to know why I feel this way.