back here

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MoAnamCara, Nov 6, 2013.

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  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Yes, back in this familiar territory. Wish I weren't and trying not to think about it and what has dragged me down again. Trying, not succeeding v well tho. Car broke down yesterday, abad reminder of how alone I am. Something happened today that was triggering and then something this morning had me say the words I give up. I'm so sorry to again be here.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Don't be sorry hun ok dam triggers are always sending me backwards to just know that you have a safe place here to hold onto ok hugs
     
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Sorry you are in a bad place and I hope the car is sorted as easily as possible...
     
  4. kangaroo2

    kangaroo2 Active Member

    Welcome back. This is one place you can always return to when necessary (as long as the site is running). There are people here who do care, even when it seems like nobody off the internet does.
     
  5. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thanks

    I cant seem to stop the tears again atm. How is it possible for this to be my life? How is it going to be possible to continue like this? I know my thinking is clouded. I cant see a way to continue this without end. Its one thing after another, after another and then memories and then reality. I'm not sure which is worse. Lots of flashbacks at bedtime when trying to sleep. Just venting, thanks. sorry.
     
  6. BornFree

    BornFree Well-Known Member

    Oh Mo... :hug: no words just tears too, I am so sorry things are tough for you, words seem so *&% inadequate and not enough... sending as much caring as the net can carry your way
    You are awesome no matter how you feel, please don't berate yourself... you are safe and loved here and its ok to be you... just you no airs and graces or pretense
    :arms:.
     
  7. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    tears again tonight. This inability to complete anything is awful. I just need to give up or want to give up. I'm not getting anywhere and I wish I could just be done. Keep returning to thoughts of pills that are here. I need not to be here, I can't do this. I can't do this anymore. not like this. Its obvious I'm not needed anymore. And I am no longer capable of doing anything, changing myself from this horrible person to one others like or even want to be around or even tolerate. I did something so ignorant today. It really reminded me of who I really am. car back broken again. more monies I don't have. Someone I had an agreement with re a loan has disappeared, I am going to be in bad trouble soon. Messed up my back again yesterday, the other arthritis stuffs is all flaring up. its one thing after another. And I feel so overwhelmed, so very alone, sad and just over this.
     
  8. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I just found this thread. I am so sorry things are so horrible for you, I do not agree with the bad things you say about yourself. I think you are pretty darned great. Such a caring person. So giving and kind. You really are. I understand you do not see that. And I know you are in such huge pain. I am sorry Mo :arms: :hug: I wish there was something I could do to help. you desereve all that is good. You really do. I wish I had the power to buy you a new car and make things better. Because you deserve no less than that. you are so kind and supportive and caring, And I know. you are so hurt. I know :hug:
     
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