For a while I thought I was getting better. My med were starting to work and my mood was starting to be more stable. But now I realize that when they wear off I am the same person I was before I stayed at the hospital for 15 days. Now when I actually want to go back, I cant. School is the same, home is the fucking same. I have no reason to live and while that may sound melodramatic for a teenager, I fucked up my life so badly that its true. In fact the only thing that has kept me alive is self harm which makes me even more depressed. Every time I go to school I self destruct, I lose my mind. I literally shut down. I can think most of the time, my arms are covered with reminders of my mistakes and memories I once held there, I cant even remember. I only remember bad,worse, worst.