Back to cutting again.

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by pither, Dec 7, 2009.

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  1. pither

    pither Well-Known Member

    I hate myself sooo much. I hate everything about me- my self image is one of complete disgust. So I cut- I cut until the pain passes. I cut until I feel stable enough to pretend to be okay. I deserve to bleed. I deserve to hit myself, to give myself bruses. I'm pathetic an ugly and a failure and because of that I punch walls and trees and anything hard enough to make me forget how badly I hurt inside. I was doing alright, I was distracted- but now I back to where I was-
    The other day my younger brother was getting away from himself and some how he ended up relating me to my stuffed hippo I've had for years. I know he didn't mean to hurt me, I know he wasn't thinking. He has ADHD and sometimes what comes out of his mouth goes unchecked. But I know he's right, why else would he say that if it wasn't true? So in my self pitty I found a razor and broke it to get the blades out.

    I cut myself until it didn't hurt anymore. I cut until I was numb again. I wanted to bleed and I wanted it to hurt.
  2. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Not a good thing to do.
  3. kiki_khaos

    kiki_khaos Member

    I think you shouldn't dwell on what others say about you, but I know that's hard to do.
    I don't really know about your relationship with younger brother, but usually siblings (especially younger one) are meant to be butts and annoying and try to get on your nerves. I wouldn't take anything they say to heart (but then again, I don't know your relationship to your younger brother).

    I'm a hypocrite for saying this, but I really think you should take your hurt and frustration out on other things (like a punching bag or play a shooting game and completely own your opponent).

    I hope you don't hurt for too long<3
    And remember, we're here for you
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