I hate myself sooo much. I hate everything about me- my self image is one of complete disgust. So I cut- I cut until the pain passes. I cut until I feel stable enough to pretend to be okay. I deserve to bleed. I deserve to hit myself, to give myself bruses. I'm pathetic an ugly and a failure and because of that I punch walls and trees and anything hard enough to make me forget how badly I hurt inside. I was doing alright, I was distracted- but now I back to where I was- The other day my younger brother was getting away from himself and some how he ended up relating me to my stuffed hippo I've had for years. I know he didn't mean to hurt me, I know he wasn't thinking. He has ADHD and sometimes what comes out of his mouth goes unchecked. But I know he's right, why else would he say that if it wasn't true? So in my self pitty I found a razor and broke it to get the blades out. I cut myself until it didn't hurt anymore. I cut until I was numb again. I wanted to bleed and I wanted it to hurt.