So last year, when Covid hit UK and lockdown started, I ended up confiding in some people, including work, about my BPD diagnosis and how difficult things can feel. They were really supportive, and said it was to be expected that I might be struggling in the circumstances and offered a bit of extra time and support etc. I was very grateful.
But now, with the UK being much more about "things are getting back to normal" I'm finding it really tough again. And that goodwill and understanding seems to be less, which I'm finding really difficult. It's like they think that I should be able to just go back to coping again because everyone else is and because "we have to get back to normal". Except it took me years to learn to control my emotions and impulses and develop less destructive coping mechanisms, most of which seemed to evaporate last year. By now I'm relying mostly on avoidance, which I'm able to do less and less as people are expecting me to do more and more.
And I can't quite tell whether I think "getting back to normal" is too soon in general or whether I'm just resisting change again... Because there's been so much change. I can't bear there to be any more but everything is changing and will continue to change and no, knowing its coming so that I can stress about all the "what ifs" doesn't make it easier.
It's like they think that because its supposedly changing back it should be alright. But it's not.
But now, with the UK being much more about "things are getting back to normal" I'm finding it really tough again. And that goodwill and understanding seems to be less, which I'm finding really difficult. It's like they think that I should be able to just go back to coping again because everyone else is and because "we have to get back to normal". Except it took me years to learn to control my emotions and impulses and develop less destructive coping mechanisms, most of which seemed to evaporate last year. By now I'm relying mostly on avoidance, which I'm able to do less and less as people are expecting me to do more and more.
And I can't quite tell whether I think "getting back to normal" is too soon in general or whether I'm just resisting change again... Because there's been so much change. I can't bear there to be any more but everything is changing and will continue to change and no, knowing its coming so that I can stress about all the "what ifs" doesn't make it easier.
It's like they think that because its supposedly changing back it should be alright. But it's not.
