Well in my area its back to school, and like the years that followed im back to my mood of hate for everything and everyone, lonliness, and emptiness. Unlike everyone else, it seems im the one person who is 100% not excited in anyway at all to go back to school. My guess is that people cant wait to see all the old friends, be around people, and make new relationships. But my problem is i don't see my old friends because i never really had any, i'd rather be alone most of the time, and from my 12 years of experience in school i've noticed i never get into any relationships. I go to school everyday with this mask, i never tell anyone that i feel this way, and i don't because im afraid that i'll be mocked and teased. I act as if im happy and content with life, though in reality im not. I want to be left alone, but at the same time i have the need for companionship, as every human does. But i can't seek it because im not social enough to talk to new people, or even enough to seek advice. Im alone everyday after school, and i do nothing but sit, stare at a wall and think. I feel at this rate im not going to live past 21, and if i do it will be a future of stress, remain depressed, and be alone. And honestly i'd rather die. So i guess me reason for being here is i just need help, how do you guys do it, or did? Where did you go for help, and how can i cope? Is this even normal, i mean i see all these people so happy and i can do nothing but hate and envy them because its never going to be me.