Back to the big bad thoughts and feelings

[Jsinjin]

Yesterday I had jury duty. In our county that's a horrible experience. It begins with a letter that starts off with the legal arrest warrant you will receive if you do not appear. Then you know you will be treated like crap when you arrive. There will be long lines, frustrated baliffs and angry security workers and in the covid world there was no way to both maintain social distancing and it's the same time be in a place you çoild hear your number called all in a space no one wants to be. All I can think of in these cases is how little everything actually matters when you compare it to 500 years from now. I understand that to some defendant on a jury selection, (the 90 people being asked questions like "would you be able to maintain your objectivity if the defendant had multiple repeat offenses?" Just to whittle it down to 12 jurors) the process is important today. But in 500years wherrlther I am there or not really won't matter. This civic duty with people barking at me, all of us being treated like crap, and constantly being told we should consider this a privilege in a smelly crowded building with no parking and having to take time off of work just makes me feel completely hopeless. There is nothing I can do to skip it. We weren't allowed to use any electronics or phones and we're even told that anonymous blogging about our experience (I suppose this counts) could be considered a crime.

All I can think is that nothing matters. The defendants get people who are treated like total shit and don't want to be there. I'm treated like crap and there is no way out and no matter what I'm resigned to have to do this. I can't see any bright side and it feels like nothing matters in the face of 500 years from now.

I am a severe introvert. I don't want to be around or talk to others. I hate my local community, I don't like civic stuff. It always feels like the football games or city parades or activities are just a made up celebration for the sole purpose of just having something to do and I hate it. It all gets me so down. I don't like being part of this. I want to do my work, read my books and avoid as many people as possible. I don't want to care about politics or patriotism or anything and I feel I'm forced to. I'll gladly pay taxes and happily write checks to charities if I never have to speak to anyone or be involved. This jury duty at the county corrections place is worse than any airport and the entire experience makes me feel that nothing in humanity matters at all. The entire exercise begins and ends with all the penalties you face for doing anything wrong as a juror. It's just another example of why I avoid people.

The problem is this kind of thing; jury duty, driver's license, even getting a permit for a deck makes me feel like nothing is worth even living. That's sounds weird but I could see that I was being told I would be arrested if I did not show up and subject myself to this horror show of mistreatment without anyone caring at all that these are people.

The whole thing sends me into waves of depression.

 

[Jessica J]

my country has free speech but people don’t respect it, i’m always in trouble and my opinions are reasonable. caring about others is one way to see so much suffering that is often ignored.

 

[may71]

Sorry that you went through this.

Will you at least be freed from having to serve on a jury again for a few years?

The problem is this kind of thing; jury duty, driver's license, even getting a permit for a deck makes me feel like nothing is worth even living

I can understand the feeling of getting overwhelmed by things, including things that don't seem to effect other people so severely.

 

[BarryW]

All I can think of in these cases is how little everything actually matters when you compare it to 500 years from now

Yeah I pretty much agree that nothing at all matters when you stretch it out on a long enough time span. It makes it extremely difficult for me to value my life or my actions at all.

You have mentioned that you don't like your community, the civic duty, and some of the laws. Have you considered moving to another country that doesn't have mandatory jury duty, has less of a celebrate-for-the-sake-of-celebrating culture, or anything else that would be important criteria for your happiness? Or something less extreme, a different region of your country or smaller/larger town might have a significantly different feel to it that would be more in line with what you want. The world is a wide place and there are many ways of living.