Back To This Again...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by xCarCrashHeart, Aug 16, 2011.

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  1. I'm just another person in this world that feels helpless. Thanks to a certain favorite band of mine, I would never ever do anything, but I can't help the thoughts and the longing for the end. I'm devastated with how my life is going.

    I feel so helpless... I have one best friend (which is all I need) and I live with her to escape the emptiness that I feel when I lived at home. My father passed away when I was 10, left me with a crazy mother, who hits me still (I'm 21 years old being treated like I'm 5). I can't stay there, so I moved from New Jersey to Las Vegas. This town had done nothing but bring me even further down, especially when about 2 years ago I tried so hard to find a job and just couldn't, no thanks to the stupid ass economy. So, I had to go back home to New Jersey, went to college again, and failed everything. It wasn't for me and the only thing I want to do in my life is music. It's always been music.

    My best friend had made friends that were in a band and they said that they would be touring soon. So, I came back to go with them. When I got there, one of the members' grama was ill and he had to go back to his home state to be with her until her final days. So, the tour was put on hold. Then, another one of the members went to a different band. And now, we're moving to Galveston, Texas. They said that IF they are touring again, they'll pick us up there. But... I just feel like it never will because that's how the universe works for me.

    Anything that I have ever wanted to do like this, it has never worked out. And I'm stuck now... I love my best friend so much, I'll follow her to the end of the world. But all I want in my life is music... and it's so unreachable and I have no back up plan because that's all I have ever wanted to do with my life. Doing something else would be like cheating on my dream. I'm getting so tired of not getting to where I want to be. I'm just so done trying with anything. It's leaving me so empty. What do I do? What can be done when the one dream I've had fails?
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    The question you pose, is a good one: what to do while waiting for your dream...what you have written, reminds me of me years ago...music was the only thing that made me feel real...I was admitted to Uni as a music major..in the middle of my studies, I found another profession, which to my surprise, is wonderfully rewarding...I still long to persue my music after all these years, but the satisfaction I get from my work, has me with fewer regrets...hope you find something while waiting for your dream, as well
     
  3. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Musicians either vanish, die got to rehab or meet some woman who bans the drums!

    I'm in my late 40s but still have my dream of music alive. I got a drummer - I need a pianist - bass player (someone who hangs around with musicians is called a bass player - 'in joke') And another guitarist.

    And a female singer also. A must!

    Got a place to practice - local building not my home!

    I think I'll release a self made CD on my home studio - and have lots of acoustic number I can play myself which will enable me to gig and earn money.

    Even if I had to go in the streets and busk - GIG IS A GIG!

    Anyhow- do try education again also - its worth going back to. Touring is fun - but its chaotic and not sure the bands demeanour but if you toured with my band it would be hard going - too much free drink and drugs - and I might end up with a groupie - the rest of band would have 10 each but they are younger than me - far younger! Too handsome really also - but I love myself and that's what counts.

    I went for a nice walk with me today - very romantic - stopped to look at some flowers - held my own hand.

    Wish I was like a worm and could split in half and create more 'me's'.

    As long as I keep the soul!

    Sorry for hijacking the thread with my own thoughts!

    But I wish you well and hope you make the right choice.

    Sorry about your dad - he is at peace - hope your mum grows up - or maybe she is suffering from something so maybe I ought to wish her some peace of mind also - as well as for you.

    Good luck.

    Life will get better.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 16, 2011
  4. pancake111

    pancake111 Well-Known Member

    Just like you, music is pretty much the only reason why i'm still here. I really want to have a career in music, whether its performing, producing, or songwriting. But the thing with music is, you can't give up, because you're never going to get to where you want to be.

    If you haven't already, maybe you can take a class at a local college, because colleges near me have courses music production and stuff like that. Music is a hard industry to get into, but it also has a millions different ways to get into it. Performing isn't the only way to make it in the music business.
     
  5. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Only when you give up will your dream truly vanish. One major problem with the music industry is the fierce competition. Whether you are a classical musician or a new age one. Music is a ruthless field. However, as long as you learn from your mistakes and keep moving forward, you can succeed.
     
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Look at willie Nelson.. He started as a writer and sold his songs/..Then he started playing once he made a name for himself..
     
  7. I tried college and every day was worse than the last. I can't bring myself to do it. I failed anyway. I'm just not good enough. I have a lot of hobbies, but I don't know how to pursue it, nor do I think I'd be good enough for those jobs either. My whole heart wouldn't be in it because it's focused on something else.

    I love to write, and my best friend said that I do it very well, I love to take pictures, and there's a TON that I take and I put up on my FaceBook (There's this album: http://p.twimg.com/AW6FiQFCAAAJG9Z.png and there's this album: http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.2293513774377.2136167.1145010674 )
     
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