I haven't been on in a while. I've had a lot to deal with which I will get to later. But my grandmother seems to be getting more ill as time goes by, which to me appears to be a result of losing my grandfather (her husband) and my father(her son) in one year. I don't blame her, for if in my position I feel like I want to just die sometimes, I can't imagine what it's like for her. I'm worried, because I don't want to lose the last caring grandparent I have so soon after the others (the only grandparent I have left other than her is my grandmother in Brazil who couldn't care less.) Well, if it's her time, then it's her time I guess. Just because I understand that these things have happened doesn't mean that I'm alright in relation to them. Sometimes I think I just need to shut up and remember that my problems could be so much worse, which once again brings me to think that I would do so much better in a place where I could sleep forever and not worry about anything or anyone and nobody would have to worry or care about me. I don't even know what I'm talking about right now. Just babbling..