Backed into a corner - going to do it!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by White Dove, Jun 4, 2008.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    I have been backed into a corner.



    called many names

    and now silenced.

    Thinking of doing it for real and for sure.

    no warning will be given

    fed up with life , people, and pretend love.

    those who know i am capable but choose to ignore me will not be shocked because they knew that i would without a doubt.

    Those who dont think i will , will soon be in shock.

    if it takes this to prove i was serious then so be it.

    it is not like i matter anyhow cause i dont
  2. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry your feeling like this, I don't know if this is aimed at people here but I don't think its fair to guilt trip might not be your intention but as an outsider that's how it reads.

    I'm sorry your hurting, and feeling ignored...but ultmately each one of us has to look after our own needs, our own safety and sometimes that means taken a step back from people who are also hurting.

    I hope you find the strength to continue fighting, and find the support you do deserve.

    I hope my reply hasn't offended you, as that's not my attention...please keep reaching out for support, I've seen many of your posts and the replies you have received and can see that you are very much cared for...depression can sometimes make you feel that you are alone, but your not.
  3. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    Susan, you have nothing to prove to anyone here, we know you are in despair, know that you can't see any other way out but there are other ways.. you are not backed into a corner, you can turn things around, walk out of the corner you believe you are in, No one on Sf wants you to feel as though you are backed into a corner.
    You have not been silenced, your voice is still heard.

    Take care Hazel x
  4. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    Nice to see another very distressed member has been put "under moderation" :mad:. I don't care for the reason why White Dove, whatever that is is no concern to me and my deepest sympathy is yours.

    I'm sorry you have had to go through the things you have and that I have failed to contribute to helping you in the ways I should.

  5. lifeisashedog

    lifeisashedog Well-Known Member

    Hold on, White Dove.
  6. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I think sometimes ppl are put under moderation for not only they own safety but also the safety of others...

    I'm sure if a post was to be put up that was against the rules on posting or discriminatiing, racist etc (I'm not saying this is what WD has done) then ppl would complain, questions would be asked as to why the post was allowed....sometimes we have to accept that things are done for a reason, and respect the decision that has been made even if we don't like it.

    Sorry, I'm not having a go and don't want to start a debate..its just one persons view.
  7. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    White Dove you are not alone. You have many members here that are willing to help you through this. You may have lost some of the privilages that members are allowed, but you can still post. So rather than spending your energy in suicidal thoughts, post what it is you need from members here to help you. You are still here hun so reach out and let others help you. Guilting others into feeling badly about your situation is in no way going to help you. It will only make things worse for you and the friends you have made here. Be strong and start taking the baby steps you need to get things turned around for yourself. You can do it because you are a survivor hun.
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You know you don't have to prove anything to your family and friends. Just be yourself. Start by setting some short term goals, after each one you have accoplished take that positive thought and bank it. When you feel really shitty open that bank and take one of those positive thoughts and concentrate on that.
    Are you in counseling with a therapist? Are you on meds? Alot of people think that therapists are no help. I have to beg there difference. I was in really bad shape a couple years ago. My therapist stood beside me and she now has me getting out of the house a little more. I am driving short distances. Your only going to get help if you put forth some effort. We are always here if you need to talk to someone.....:chopper:
  9. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    All the replies to the many threads you have posted today stating you have been silenced, are unsupported, have been backed into a corner, are ignored, etc. should prove to you that these statements in truth are unfounded. I am sorry you feel wronged in any way and that people don't care. You have nothing to prove to anyone but yourself. I hope you prove to yourself that you can survive despite the thinking errors you have. We can offer you support as best we can, but in the end, only you can change things. You have to do the hard work needed to heal. None of us can do that for you. My fear is that you will lose support should you continue to use guilt in trying to illicit responses from forum members. I understand you are hurting a great deal, but telling us it is our fault that you are forced to maked the decisions you are is unfair. You choose. Your choice. You are responsible for these choices. I wish there was something I could do or say that would change things for you, but there is nothing. I am sorry for letting you down.
  10. tnstudent

    tnstudent New Member

    :sad:I have talked to WhiteDove and she feels like she has been silenced because she can no longer PM the other members which she can get instant support when she needs it rather than having to waited for her messages to be previewed and moderated before being posted.:sad:
  11. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    I know, and I think this "moderation" was done in haste myself. Some people here seldom post on the boards but are more comfortable talking via PM. I know what it's like to be in these desperate states and people on here in the chat, on the boards and via PM saved me one night. It was the dead of night at 2am, I was alone and having some sort of major PMDD/depression episode. Having PM and chat was a lifeline for me, like I expect it is for many other people including WD.

    I know what she's going through and when your in this state you really struggle to filter things out when posting online, it's like a mix of the blackest sadness breeding with the most ferocious anger. I have posted things on here I regret too, we probably all have.

    I don't beleive in "punishments" in a community like this because the moment is really what it is. If it's that bad just delete the thread, give the poster an explanation and move on, don't burdon them with restrictions. Nobody would be here if it was a perfect world and we never had problems in our lives.
  12. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    i am sorry you feel like i was trying to make you or others feel guilt or whatever... i am not in any way doing that and i am sorry if it feels that way okay?

    its not you.. its me,, see i made more mistakes by even posting that because now it has caused hurt for you and others thinking i wanted to throw a guilt trip upon you or others.

    im stupid okay.. i dont know how to post, to write, to do anything cause when i do i either hurt others intintionally or screw up some other way. its me that feels backed into a corner.. its me that feels unloved. not you or anyone else.. i could have a million people love me and i still may not feel it.. the choice is mine.. the desion is mine and mine alone.

    i am dealing with family problems, emotional problems, health problems.. it has all come onto me in a big pile and i cant handle it anymore.. i just cant.. im tired of fighting.. i cant do it anymore.. so im going to go to just me God and nature. im going camping soon.. i have to just get away. its all just too much. bible says the Lord will not put more upon you then you can bear but i have gotten more then that, its like double even tripple, i cant fight emotional pain, physical pain of cancer, family problems, feeling unloved, uncared for, feeling like im backed into a corner. all this together is too much.. so i got drunk and i cursed online in my post. i was dis-respectful and probably hurt a lot of people here and that hurts the most knowing i probably hurt others here and im sorry.. i am so sorry.. if i hurt you or anyomne. im so sorry. im just stupid.

    i dont think the way you all do.. i dont understand the way you all do and that is why i cant do anything right.. i posted my feelings and now its like i made everyone feel guilty?? or laid a guilt trip[ upon you.. what else am i going to get accused of?? how much longer can i handle all this?? i cant, i just cant and im sorry..

    hazel, gentlelady, everyone.. im sorry..
  13. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    Thank you WD for mentioning the fact that you were drunk. Not that I'm picking this out as a bad thing but I think the staff who put you on moderation should take that into account. I've been drunk & very down and said the most unimaginable things to the people, what did they do, they stuck by me and helped me.

    I would try and help you via PM, but I can't, and I don't want anyone else reading what we talk about simply because PM stands for PRIVATE message. I would appeal to the person who gave you these restrictions to remove them. I don't know who they are and it's not my place to moderate the board, but I really do feel like they did not know the full story of quite what it is like to go through the things you are.

    It's easy to make judgements online because of the lack of the essential things we use to make them in person, like body language and voice tone. I can see by the ammount of time you spend here White Dove that you really do need the support we can offer you, and by restricting your access to services like chat and PM, we cannot help people as much as we would like to. This is a far bigger "guilt trip" on all of us people who want to help her than anything White Dove posted while she was in a bad place.
  14. DamageX10

    DamageX10 Guest

    I think were all suicidal here :sad:
  15. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    I do my best to help those who are, and being prevented from doing so really hurts me.
  16. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    She was placed under moderation for a reason. On another point: Everyone here, including the staff, have problems and issues - we all joined as regular members, so, on a basic level, we do know what people are going through - we've most likely been there ourselves.
  17. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I came to SF the night I was going to die...was looking to see if the way I chose was the least painful and found this community of caring and gracious ppl...have been here for 4yrs since to pay back for the ppl who truly helped me save my yes, we do understand, and most of us struggle each day to not be consumed by the darkness of luck to you WD...J
  18. Jano

    Jano Member

    White Dove, There is nothing to apologize for your mistakes. They are not mistakes to begin with. Don't be sorry and most of all don't doubt yourself. Your not stupid. Your a gifted person like everyone else. :smile:
  19. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    im going away.

    tonight is my last night here ever.

    thanks for your support, kind words, but by the time you probably read this or get to read this i will have long logged off.

    sometimes a person needs support or pms right away, sometimes waiting for it to be pre approved, not having access to pms only make matters much, more worse. i hope others learn to grasp that someday?

    i hope that they can understand that sometimes when support is needed 100% it is often not there and the inevitable happens, then others are left wondering why or how could it have happened?

    people are not perfect and they make mistakes like me. i am probably at the top of the list for mistakes, heck this probably wont even been posted?????? because i dont have a voice anymore. i dont have nothing anymore. and you wanna know why?

    why?? because I SCREWED IT UP. OKAY? I GOT drunk, i said things wrong and hear i am totally alone. by the time this is posted i will be gone, even if it even gets posted at all which it probably wont?? even thought its not in any way a goodbye but simply my opionion.. lol....

    so you see.. i dont have a voice.. i dont have friends. i dont have a church that loves me.. i dont have anything..
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