Welcome to the high tech age....No, I'm not suicidal...just at uncertain stage. Need some support... I'll try to keep this brief. In 2005, I lost my father to death, my husband divorced me and took my son away from me (CPS involved)...I had a breakdown after my father's death and accidentally threw my son on the floor cuz I am bipolar and husband did not believe I needed meds and he blames me for hurting my son. When it was all accidental!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was severely depressed 2005-2007 and suicidal, this forum keep me alive!! Now, I just got off IM, talking to Chris, the man I had an online sexting affair with for SIX years. I mean, not everyday...but since 2006, we had only talked for sex purposes. I have over 800 mesg saved. Then in summer 2010, he got busted on his job...was not fired, but no longer allowed to chat or on internet at work (federal gov't)-ha. In 2011, his wife found out and divorced his ass. I always suspected that I was not his first chance occurance at this. But, it was a first for me. I know he was a sick ----. But, what about me, huh? I DO NOT TROLL FOR WEIRDO'S. I met Chris thru craiglist in 2006. He lived in another state and preferred not to share personal info., his work company would be coming to the city where I lived and he wanted a dinner companion....I thought it harmless to talk for companionship. I had no expectations or motives. This turned into sexteting relationship, even before the term sextexting was created!! haha. He had asked me to take pictures of myself and send to him online...I thought long & hard about it, scared, I took the risk--I did it. It blew up on me. My aunt & sister found out, long story, and told all of fathers family. So, father is no longer here to protect me, ALL family members disowned me & shunned me, decided I am not worth talking to. I am sick, vile and digusting (my aunts words). As I said, I talked to Chris tonight, 2-27 to find out the reason he no longer needs to chat--he doesno't really talk just says "he's dating, I should know that he would do that"...I told him good- bye for the 1000th time and said I guess we never were meant to met in person. He asked why I was so dramatic and talking like this. (??!!) Well I was surprised that I had more feelings invested in this that I admitted to myself. I was sick for doing it too, not healthy in my terms... Anyways, It turns out I really did want to meet him after all; I was mad that all I was only a slut/***** to him. When he asked why I was talking like this tonight? I said nothing. what could I say? I had great fun with him, he made me relax and forget the problems of life. Forget that I was rejected and a failure and I wanted to die. It was like a fantasy life. Now...it really was not real. And, I guess I'm sorta lost without him needing me. I liked feeling needed, I wanted to feel wanted. HELP. I cannot talk about this to ANYONE...too too too embarrassing. Although, when my family found out, I told my case worker and my Dr. at the time. They understood-- I was very unstable at that time. Now, I am stable for 4 whole years, and should have gotten over this sick f***! Yet, why did I continue it so long if it was so unhealthy for me? And how do I get it out of my mind and not let it intrude me thoughts again. The relationship was not real, literally. Yet, the needs of feeling wanted and loved, being intimate with someone, feeling I really was accepted. basic human needs--I still have those. I try not to to cry over something that was not there anyways. At least it was nothing to him. thanks for listening.