Bad blood

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lost_child, Jan 13, 2009.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I found out 2nite I have a step neice and also a half old man raped he's step daughter.

    I'm bad blood. He abused me when I was 4 until I was 7, he's step son then abused me foe 3 weeks, i then told my old man, and that was the last time I saw or spoke to him. Tonight to find out that he then abused and raped and fathered a child to he's step daughter is sickening. He raped my mum, and had mee and my little sister.

    I'm bad blood, that's why I was sexually abused from 4 until I was 15 by different people, I was born to be abused, I was born to be hurt.

    I feel sick, I handed over my morphine and mixture of tablets to the Home team I now wish I hadn't, I need to get hold of something, a friend is sending 50 tramadol I won't get them until Tgursday though. I need something now, I need to stop this chain.

    I'm sorry, I'm just bad blood.
  2. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    :hug: There's no such thing as bad blood. Just people who make bad decisions. Your father sounds like a real monster and that is in no way your fault.

  3. seven

    seven Active Member

    I am sorry about what is happening to you. Jameslyons is right; this is not your fault and you don't need to apologize! I wish you would feel better... :hug:
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi Jody. I can see why you might think that you're 'bad blood,' but the truth is, you're a human being just like the rest of us. Even if it's true that you were conceived when your father raped your mother, it doesn't make you any less of a human. When it comes down to it, we're all created when a sperm cell merges with an egg cell. How that happens really doesn't matter. Please don't give up hun. :hug:
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello lost child,
    I don't think you are bad blood. You have just been thru alot in your life. I do think you need to seperate yourself from that environment. Start a new life!! Once you get away you can become what ever you want. You just need to work at it and set yourself some goals.Small ones to start with.
    I am not even suppose to be here. My mom had a miscarriage between my brother and me and they decided no more kids. Well low and behold here comes Joseph who wasn't wanted and who was told several times over the years that I was a mistake. That I would never amount to nothing. If you are told something for so long you start to beleive it!!
    Please think about what I said and get away from your family, you don't have to be caught up in that shit anymore. I'm sure there is a beautifull person deep down inside crying to get out but is afraid to right now. Stay Safe Lost Child!!~Joseph~
  6. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    i used to feel that way but its not true. you are not responsible for someone elses choices and awful abuse. nobody deserves abuse and no child has bad blood. children are innocent and it is our job to protect them. your family failed you as mine did. you are not bad. you feel tainted and to blame.. but if you were hearing someone who is not you saying this you would not blame them. you are no different ... no matter how you feel inside x
  7. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    i'm so sorry these terrible things happened to you lost child :(

    Please don't let it ruin the rest of your life, you do not have bad blood and you are NOT TO BLAME! :{

    Lea :hug:
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Please don't think that you are bad blood Jody. You did not wish for nor choose the things that happened to you. You are an innocent victim in this the same as all the others that were molested. The child is not to blame for the actions of their perpetrator Show them what you are made of. :)
  9. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I just don't know how to get my head around all this. When you spend so many years wondering if your memories are right or if its your sick head, your family telling you, you was always "daddys" favourite, to the point that my mother told the shrink I saw when at school makes you wonder, it makes you think, maybe it wasn't how I remember it, maybe it wasn't "anything"..yeah he was violent towards mum, my brother and older sister, but maybe he really did love me, and I was he "special girl"......all tainted!!!! the memories are real, I was 4 years old (I don't remember anything before then and I don't want to either), I was a child, a little girl, I had the blonde curls, the blue eyes, the cheeky photo you can see me aged between 24-36 months, and I actually look sad, all the photos of my childhood that have survived me burning them, or ripping them up only show this child sad.....and yet it was never questioned why? I was just labelled a trouble maker, an attention seeker, yeap even at 4 years old I had this label.....

    So where do i go now? Deal with it? How? I don't know how to, I know violence, I know abuse, I don't know love, I don't know care, I don't know how to show emotions towards people or even let them show them towards me, I don't trust anybody, I question every person that comes into my life, I expect everyone ot have a hidden agenda, I wait to be attacked..I spend my days worrying, i spend my nights laying awake.....This isn't a life, this is an existence nothing more then, just a thing in a world, a thing that didn't choose life, but chooses that she wants out of this life.
  10. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    I was abused as a kid and I find it really hard to emotionally trust other people. It's really a difficult situation, and while I don't exactly know how to get over the hump, I do know that feelings of worthlessness and desire of suicide is not something you should listen to or believe in.

    The thing that really helped me was finding a nice group of people to talk about it. And having a confidant (my sister) who lets me complain to her, and she in turn tells me when I"m doing something stupid :)


    I'm sorry you're feeling this way.

  11. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    I hope one of you steps up and reports him. He deserves a lifetime in prison. As for you, please don't feel like you were born for that reason, it is never your fault that you are treated that way, and the sick people that do this deserved to be locked up forever.
  12. k2hsharpe

    k2hsharpe Antiquities Friend

    out of this despicable prick at least 3 good things have come into the world - you, your half sister and her child. Have you made contact with you sibling and niece yet? These may well be the New Years first gifts to you?

    You are NOT worthless, you Are valued in this world
  13. Mayal

    Mayal Well-Known Member

    Hi lostchild

    My situation was different from yours, but similar in so many ways in terms of feelings. I know i was brought into this world to be abused by my father, because my mother never stopped telling me that she did so, he wanted a sextoy and she gave him one, so i was to be used as he pleased, whenever he pleased, and when they had my brother, i was his as well. So i understand those feelings very well.

    It took me until i was eighteen to be able to finally get away, and not a day goes past where i don't share your feelings of fear, or feeling like my life is pre-destined, to never trust, to never feel love or safety, and i have never been loved, or kept safe.

    I struggle every day and the only thing that keeps me going is the thought that being alive is my only way of rebelling against them, it doesn't work all the time, but more often than not it has gotten me through some of the darkest times.

    But i know what a struggle it is, and i just wanted you to know that you are not alone, and that although it does not feel that way at the moment perhaps, but that you are a valuable person in your own right with every entitlement to what you should have had as a child... Love, care, affection, trust and safety

    I am thinking of you lost child

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