I dont like weekends. Never have done. Now even worse. If you want more info see ...my situation... My original post. Today i visit cemetry to say sorry to my mum. Done this a million times since it all went wrong. Then i drive to the hills nearby and i can see , or imagine what i lost. In far distance is the village where the lady i was to marry lives. Cant go there now. Closer is another village and the house we were to buy. Actually a home for me. I call everywhere else i lived just a house. Cant have it now. I spend the afternoon crying and feeling sorry for myself as the wind and rain blow the car around. Who knows if it helps. Then i think of a sweet friend who calls herself my sister. Her mum is frail, in hospital with dementure setting in. Pain and worry there. Another lady close to my heart has her mum in law funeral this week. Sadness and hard work and money to find for her. Driving back an ambulance blocking the road and medics looking after a poor man who has been run over on a crossing. Just walking across the road and now, who knows what. Its an hour before midnite, so ive made it through another day with my troubles. Im still here. At least i can pray for these others with their pain and sadness and unknown future. How i wish i could turn clock back . To help me and others.