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Bad day

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by EmmaEdz89, Aug 2, 2013.

  1. EmmaEdz89

    EmmaEdz89 Member

    I am new to this site, but I am so glad I found it.
    I have struggled a lot on my own and worn out the ears of friends and family to the point where I mostly have to pretend everything is fine.
    I am usually a happy person, I think, and people often call me bubbly and hate to see me down as they think it is strange for me, for example people I work with. There is only really one thing that ever gets me down, which I have posted about in the relationships forum. I don't want to be seen as a self pitying person who just moans because really that isn't me. At least I hope not. I am just looking for support as I am particularly struggling right now. I feel lonely.
    I have been part of an unstable and unsuitable relationship for too long, but today I am particularly sad. I can't feel anger or hate for too long, because its just swept away by an overpowering desire to make things ok, and I miss so much the way things were. Because things get so bad, then when they are good it feels euphoric, an escape from all the bad times and I can truly relax and let go, but it never lasts and its feeling more and more like I can't be happy unless things are good.
    Today I just want help. I just want a friend, I just want a hug, how pathetic is that? But seeing people is often too much effort. I want to be alone so I can cry but I want people around me so I can forget. Thats just not possible to happen at the same time.
    I am messaging Samaritans too which is really helpful. I have wanted to phone them so much in the past, its horrible at night time when you can't sleep and everything has fallen apart around you, but I fear they wouldn't be able to understand me through my sobs.
    I just want to be happy again.
    Sorry if this all appears jumbled. Its quite hard to get my feelings down.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    NOt a jumble hun glad to see you posting your feelings down i too messageSamaritans they have help me through some tough times You are not pathetic hun you are sad and need support. You keep reaching out here ok let the tears fall when they come it help to release sadness some sending you some HUGS ok