i am fed up, im done. i am always miserable, upset or filled with rage that i take out on myself. i wandered the streets today, i didnt know where i was going or what i was going to do i just kept having images of edit <Moderator Method total eclipse> and going to sleep and never waking up. i have been on two different meds now and seen psyciatrists and crisis workers and started counselling this week and nothing is working. i cant control the thoughts in my head, its spinning all the time. ive tried distracting myself but no matter what i do i cant. tying to do dishes i end up smashing them against walls. i dont know what to do please any advice will be tried. i feel like im going out of my mind even though i keep being told i am ok. its doing my head in im so confused. i cant go on like this i just cant i cant go back to hospital because they will refer me to a crisis team, ive already been referred to them twice and they think im a total loser. please help!