Bad Days just get worse, I'm trapped

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Today is really bad. this is the 3rd day of this particular episode. There are some extremely difficult things going on and I have found out that someone I thought loved me, cannot be counted on. This is the pattern in my life, that I always end up in relationships where the other person loves less. And I know the problem is me. No one can stand me, and I can't stand myself. I have Aspergers and it makes life so intense. All I do is strive to stay calm and try to keep it in and not let others know how intense it always is. This causes agonizing feelings in my body that make it hard for me to function. Right now I am having a hard time walking even, I am such a state of collapse.

I am really thinking hard about ending it. If this were a single episode, i could have some hope that this will pass. But it never passes, it repeats. Over and over I find myself alone, and now I am in a financial situation that is impossible and there is no way to support myself. I have no family excedpt in another country. And they have their own problems. So I have no place to go or rest where I am welcome. So what's the point? I have a drug I take for my heart and if I take enough, it would stop it. But I am scared yet to do it. Yet I want out of these terrible crippling feelings, and this situation of being totally alone with no one to turn to who cares. I am caught between life and death. I can't go on feeling like this. I can't endure how soul sick I feel and the way it effects my body. I can barely function. It seems this misery is all i have to look forward to. I don't know what to do. There is no light at the end of this tunnel.
There is always a light at the end of the tunnel Caroline, depends on if we want to see it i guess though.
I work with Aspergers children among others, you seem quite high functioning.
Having little or no support from family or friends is hard enough, and i know how hard it is for you to mix with mainstream people.
I don't know what medication you are taking, i suppose this can be discussed with your doctor again if need be.
My thoughts though are.......................Aspergers is widespread and by no means a rare condition.
Have you though of seeking out similiar sufferers or perhaps finding a local centre that has experience of this?
Empathy is a wonderful thing...........
So is being content in your own company, something tells me you will have a certain interest that is very very close to your heart.............perhaps you can expand on this when the bad feelings become more intense?
I will not go on about the therapy that may be available to you, i am sure you have heard it all before.
Stay strong though, please.


Well-Known Member
Dear Caronline,

I know it must be extremely difficult for you now…

What if you do not try so hard to stay calm and keep it in? The external situation is as it is already. This way, you can reduce the cause of agonizing feelings in your body?

You know it would be easier if you deal with the situation moment by moment…let life unfolds itself...miracles may even happen…

May you have the courage to live through…


Antiquities Friend
Hi :hug: i really feel for you ...its so hard to cope with those feelings of anxiety and stress with no one to turn to it can become overwhelming but we are all here for you honey. I wish i could be there to give you a real hug ! If you ever want to talk just message me ok ! xxx
Many thanks to everyone who helped me. I am thru the worst of it. This episode was really bad and I came very close to trying it. I stopped because I was afraid I would fail and end up injured. When these emotional storms come and I am in one, I can never remember that I have another state of mind that is better. My situation has not changed, but the terrible physical feelings that are the thing that push me over the edge have eased so I am not thinking of ending it now. Thank you all so much for helping me.


Well-Known Member
Caroline, I'm glad you made it through the worst of your episode. I know how hard having Asperber's Syndrome can make life...I have it too. I've been lonely for a long time and I have pretty bad anxiety as a result of it, so I can definitely empathize with you.

I'm glad you're okay and if you ever want someone to talk to about it, feel free to PM me.


Well-Known Member
Thank you for letting us know, Caroline…

Please feel free to PM me about anything that you are drawn to…(although I’m new here and not quite sure how the PM works here yet)…

Best wishes!
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