Sometimes I think I am the bearer of all bad luck. I can't catch a break. I'll have 5 minutes where it seems like things are good or okay and they are snatched away so quickly. I've not been having a great couple of days and then today - for no reason whatsoever my new phone that I haven't even paid off yet and have only had for 2 weeks ends up in the washing machine by mistake. I know how silly this sounds but I just want to know - why me? Why is it always fucking me? Why can't things just stay okay for more than 2 days. I come home in a shitty mood after yet another intrusive scan, the womans face said it all really. I just know something was wrong. I even tried to look at the ultrasound pictures and she moved them away from view. Just why, why me? I try so hard to be strong, I try to be strong for other people, friends I have made on here and people in real life, even those that I work with who are in crisis. But I am not THAT strong. I'm just a bloody human being I'm not a God or some sort of superhuman being. I just want what everybody else wants. What is regular and average and seen as the norm by society. I don't want anymore than that. But I can't even get that. It's so twisted and pathetic. I cannot even cry. My tear ducts have dried up. I tried to cry to make myself feel better and...nothing. I just don't know how many more times I can peel myself up off the floor. How many more times is a person expected to do this? To fight when they seem no results, fighting for nothing? I see nothing good coming my way - I want to see some results from my fight otherwise what is the fucking point? All I see is more and more hell on earth. I sometimes think I already commited suicide a long time ago in this life and that THIS is hell. Hell on earth, because it'd be fucking inspired wouldn't it. You commit suicide to get away from your shitty life and you go right back to where you came from, but worse... because you went to hell. Is that where I am? Is this hell.