Bad Luck

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Aurora Gory Alice, Dec 3, 2009.

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  1. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Sometimes I think I am the bearer of all bad luck.
    I can't catch a break. I'll have 5 minutes where it seems like things are good or okay and they are snatched away so quickly.

    I've not been having a great couple of days and then today - for no reason whatsoever my new phone that I haven't even paid off yet and have only had for 2 weeks ends up in the washing machine by mistake.

    I know how silly this sounds but I just want to know - why me? Why is it always fucking me?
    Why can't things just stay okay for more than 2 days.
    I come home in a shitty mood after yet another intrusive scan, the womans face said it all really. I just know something was wrong. I even tried to look at the ultrasound pictures and she moved them away from view.

    Just why, why me? I try so hard to be strong, I try to be strong for other people, friends I have made on here and people in real life, even those that I work with who are in crisis. But I am not THAT strong. I'm just a bloody human being I'm not a God or some sort of superhuman being.

    I just want what everybody else wants. What is regular and average and seen as the norm by society. I don't want anymore than that.
    But I can't even get that.

    It's so twisted and pathetic. I cannot even cry. My tear ducts have dried up.
    I tried to cry to make myself feel better and...nothing.

    I just don't know how many more times I can peel myself up off the floor.

    How many more times is a person expected to do this? To fight when they seem no results, fighting for nothing? I see nothing good coming my way - I want to see some results from my fight otherwise what is the fucking point?
    All I see is more and more hell on earth.

    I sometimes think I already commited suicide a long time ago in this life and that THIS is hell. Hell on earth, because it'd be fucking inspired wouldn't it.
    You commit suicide to get away from your shitty life and you go right back to where you came from, but worse... because you went to hell.

    Is that where I am? Is this hell.
  2. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

  3. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I stopped being strong about 11 years ago. Other people had to develop their own skills, I couldn't do it for them anymore. I now give everything over to God. It's how I stay alive today. The hardest thing to learn was not taking it back once I turned it over.

    I've learned there is a difference between caring about and caring for other people. Caring about is caring about what happens in another person's life. Caring for is doing for them what they can do for themselves. It takes time to learn the differences but it will give you a chance to take care of yourself.

    I've learned that if I don't take care of myself first (most of the time that means rest), there is nothing left of me to help anyone else.

  4. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    And here's another hug from me :hug:
  5. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    Hey there!

    We all are entitled to some bad luck once in a while, thats how things work, but we should try our best to look at the times we have GOOD luck rather than bad. I'm sure if you look closely you'll see stuff in which you got luck but that you don't event take notice :)

    Always do your best to look at the bright side of life :wink:
  6. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Thanks guys.
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