i feel like when i think back to my developmental years i wasted a lot of time during my most important formative years, the teens trying to recuperate from being attacked, i missed out on a lot of milestones in life and high school experiences and friendships and i dont know how to feel. i always struggled with feeling depressed and having moments where id tear up and dwell on it for a few seconds due to something that triggered a sad memory. i feel like ill never make up for lost time and it was such a sad scenario. i want to reattend rape crisis therapy but im afraid to contact the people because i tried to again before co-vid and because of my disability my head isnt right and i dont dwell on things like i normally do and i dont feel right. i struggle with wondering when ill be back to normal and when ill be able to feel emotions regularly and when ill be able to live my life like a normal person. i hated living in fear and being afraid to attend school, i hated missing out on social events because the other girls my ex went for would terrorize me in real life and on the computer. i hated missing out on social media and photo opps and refusing to celebrate my birthday or participate in any holidays. the last time the guy contacted me was in 2015, i went through alot and i just want out.