bad morning.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by WannaEndit01, Oct 11, 2016.

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  1. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    Having a real bad morning. I feel like it's time to give up. Rumination is my place to escape. Unfortunately it leads To greater depression.

    In effort to fight it. I try to focus on the three things i am trying to change. It's really hard to do. Sometimes escaping to rumination is all I have.
  2. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    Made it to work. Had a moment of normal-ness, now the depression is creeping in. When I was normal I took the moment to realize that, if you want to go forward with you life and improve it, your best chance at this is achieved while by being normal. But truly when you're depressed everything takes on a negative pallor.

    I am on week 11 of prozac. While it appears to have helped, it does not completely wipe out the depression. I still have moments where suicide appears to be the best solution.
  3. curlyq

    curlyq Active Member

    What three things are you trying to change?
    It's definitely a good sign that you have goals you are working on :) That's very admirable.
    I totally understand what you mean about everything taking on a negative pallor when you're depressed. Sometimes I feel paralyzed when I'm depressed; there are things I know I should do to make myself feel better, but it can be so hard to act.
    Please keep moving forward. I know it's difficult, but it will be worth it. Sending hugs.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hiya, like asked above me, what are the three things you want to change?

    I am so glad to hear that the prozac is helping. Brilliant stuff!! well done :)

    Keep on talking to us, we're here to help and support.
  5. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    First, I just logged on normal again. This is the mode I need to stay in. Interesting this is the second time I started eating and went to normal for a bit. I am trying to hold on to the normal as I write this.

    When I start ruminating, I try to remember the following three things:

    1. Get the nagois plugin running it will provide you with new skills.
    2. Get the Business Plan done for you cancer image search software (I am dependent on my partner to finish it).
    3. Three is too personal to type. Sorry.

    Let me explain 1 and 2. 1. Part of my issues is I have a job that is down to a couple hours of work a week -- and shrinking. I am waiting to be laid off with no transferable skills. So I've talked my company to allow me to work on other projects during my down time so I can learn some transferable skills. Nagios is the first one. It's sucky but better then no work. 2. I've mentioned this before, I have a technology that can find cancer in images. My partner and I are creating a business plan for it. Part of the problem is he has an 80 hour a week job, which is killing him, and keeps him from getting the BP done. But we've made progress over the last 4 days. And I am hoping it continues.

    If we could raise the money we're looking for, that would solve 1, 2, and maybe 3 - as much as possible.
  6. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    I'am adding and update. I just got off the phone with my partner he's supposed to have a draft to me tonight. And more importantly in his research he found that the problem our technology solves with big data has been confirmed as a problem.

    I am writing this down in the hopes, I will get excited, or at least undepressed from reading it while I write it down.
  7. curlyq

    curlyq Active Member

    That news sounds promising! :) I hope that you are feeling slightly more hopeful. Sending support your way.
  8. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    I am trying. Thank you.
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