bad news and I'm terrified of what's ahead

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Hazel Morse, May 29, 2016.

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  1. Hazel Morse

    Hazel Morse Well-Known Member

    To moderators: you can move this if it belongs with my previous thread.

    Just had some terrible news, I have almost certainly lost a lot of money. I'm sitting at my desk at work panicking, making wild plans to end it all... that money would have allowed me to live that much longer. I just want to get as far away from this place as humanly possible, as far out of my body and as far out of myself.
     
  2. Jenumbra

    Jenumbra SF Supporter

    When will you know for sure? If this is this case will you be able to get it back or sell off some possessions so you can take care of yourself? I know you're worried and panicking, but please try to focus on what you are able to do and take care of yourself. In response to your previous threads, could you stay at a hostel or stay at an Airbnb rental until you find a new job and get references to rent an apartment?
     
    MisterBGone likes this.
  3. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    Hazel, I understand the financial part of life. I have been dealing with financial problems for several months yet have gotten to the point where I don't care. I have cut back to the bare bones and seem to be making it with very little to spare. It is tough but it can be done.
    I am still looking for a job yet not much luck in that arena yet will continue to do so also. I have the fear of homelessness daily but I know I will survive that if it occurs.
    I guess what I am saying is try to break things into small pieces to look at solutions, sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't.
     
    SillyOldBear likes this.
  4. Veda Vyas

    Veda Vyas Member

    Hazel, you have caring brother and parents who wont turn you away right? I know you dont want to be burden to others but you are not completely helpless. This moment of panic will pass and when you calm down after a while and gain your bearings, you will be find another door to future open in time. Time passes and our flow of panic also passes. We all are with you here.
     
  5. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Is money the only thing that is making you feel this way?
     
  6. Hazel Morse

    Hazel Morse Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your reply - I live in China at present so forgive me if I'm not prompt with answering. I need to leave the country by the 30th of June when my visa runs out.

    I don't have a lot back in Australia to sell. Hostels in Sydney are generally more expensive than a flat. I'm going to have to look around for some temp-stay place.
     
    Jenumbra likes this.
  7. Hazel Morse

    Hazel Morse Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your reply - I live in China at present so forgive me if I'm not prompt with answering.

    No - it's more the idea that I brought this on myself, through a series of failures. I should have left this country ages ago, there are so many ways my employer schemes to cheat us out of paying us. You have to be constantly vigilant and I dropped the ball.
     
  8. Hazel Morse

    Hazel Morse Well-Known Member

    Thank you, that is good advice. I have read some of your threads about money troubles, it just kills me that mine are the result of bad choices I made. There is so much guilt!
     
  9. Hazel Morse

    Hazel Morse Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your support.

    My brother's wife despises me as much as anyone else in my family - I can't go there. My parents would probably take me in but it would be at the expense of my sanity.

    My stepfather has been giving me the silent treatment (the real deal, where he turns on his heel and heads out of the room when I say hello to him) for the past year and a half for a perceived criticism (that wasn't even real, my mother misquoted me to him). My mother will imply daily, in every word and action, that I am a worthless piece of shit (yes, she will call me that explicitly) that she never should have adopted, that my failures have ruined her life, and that everything bad that ever happened to her is my fault (including being raped 15 years before I was born).
     
  10. Veda Vyas

    Veda Vyas Member

    You are welcome Hazel.
    I would take silent treatment anytime in place of what your mom does to you. She does that probably because she feels hurt and isnt capable of taking responsibility on herself where it is due. Yes your family is insane, but you got a family no matter to take you back. Some people dont even have that. Probably the insanity of your family will motivate you to work hard and become independent again. sometimes its what we hate that can motivate us. lol
     
  11. Hazel Morse

    Hazel Morse Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Veda.

    Honestly I don't feel that intimidated by my mother any more; she's so emotionally immature I don't think she'll ever be able to change - she's simply tiring to deal with. My step-father still frightens me , though, and I feel like he has the potential to make me doubt myself and hate myself (no difficult task). He perceives me as weak and therefore worthless. While I know that it's actually not a bad thing to be weak or to fail at things deep down his training has really taken a toll.
     
  12. Veda Vyas

    Veda Vyas Member

    I can understand that. Somehow, he has emotionally more power over you than your mom. Now that he is giving silent treatment, would it make your life easier or difficult? from what you say, you can deal with mom and she doesnt affect you that much. will your brothers recommendation not work? will your step Dad prevent you from getting a job even given his perception of your weakness.
     
  13. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    Hazel, I have made bad mistakes with money also yet I have lived through most of them so far. My biggest mistake right now is being unemployed with a small pension and no medical insurance yet as I stated I have cut a lot out of the budget and though it is far from being ideal and comfortable it has relieved some stress.
    Housing costs are the biggest drain here and medical is second.
    I have been getting some medical help from the Veterans Administration yet the possibility is I may have to pay them back in full for all of it less the co pays I have paid. I have stated to myself I will cross that bridge when I come to it.
    You will make it, just break everything down into small manageable pieces.
     
    Jenumbra likes this.
  14. Hazel Morse

    Hazel Morse Well-Known Member

    Thank you, I will try. I'm just terrified of having to go back to my family or on the dole. I don't need a lot of money to live comfortably (no dependents, simple tastes) but I do need something.
     
  15. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    Hazel, take any help you can get, there is no embarrassment for doing that. I have tried to get as much help as I can. I understand about families, I have siblings but most of them have problems too.
    Just take care of yourself in little pieces, eventually they will fall into place.
     
  16. Hazel Morse

    Hazel Morse Well-Known Member

    I wish I knew how to do that! Part of my problem is that I have no life skills: people don't like to teach me things, I tried to learn back in my teens and twenties, but it came to nothing. I would ask my parents how to balance a checkbook, or apply for a credit card, or negotiate anything. They would sneer at me for not knowing these things intuitively. They told me to ask my teachers or friends. When I asked my teachers if they could show me how to do x, y or z, they would sneer in turn and tell me to ask my parents and friends. My peers (I had no friends) just laughed at me - why didn't my parents teach me this? How could anyone not know that? What a stupid, worthless idiot was!

    As a result I can do some of these things self-taught and others remain a mystery (a concrete thing like balancing the checkbook is fine,the abstract skill of negotiating the price of a used vehicle? No way!)

    It's a hard thing to admit, but my lack of social acumen is a real deficit in my life. My parents wanted me submissive and obedient to them, unfortunately, the physical and emotional abuse has resulted in my having a hard time working with others. Abusers are funny things - they don't understand that their abuse victims generalise. It was all very well when my mother punched me in the head, burnt me with the iron and screamed at me for the heinous crime of wearing black and blue together, but she doesn't understand why I can't now stand up for myself in the workplace. I must be weak or stupid!
     
  17. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    Hazel I understand how you feel. My parents used to tell me I would not turn out to be anything well guess what I turned out pretty well. I have not hurt anyone or gone to jail, I have worked a majority of life in one single profession and retired from it even though I shouldn't have yet that is another story.
    My point is just because somebody says you are not worth anything etc doesn't mean they are correct. They are the ones with the issues. You have life skills whether you believe it or not. Your view is possibly being clouded by the negatives stated by others who don't care or know you.
     
    Jenumbra likes this.
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