After months of breathlessness my GP decided the problem was my heart and several tests showed him to be right. I saw a Cardiologist last week who told me I had a narrowed valve which needs to be replaced through open heart surgery but he then said I couldn't have it because I am obese and no surgeon would agree to operate on me. I realise that I do need to lose weight but being disabled and having a number of chronic conditions makes exercise impossible and as I already eat very little food I don't know what to do. I already felt depressed and suicidal because of all my illnesses but I have just had a death sentence passed on me because without the op the problem will get worse and then death. It may seem strange to feel upset over this since I wanted to die anyway but I wanted control over when I died. Does that make sense? I also know that I may not always feel suicidal and I'm now paying to see a therapist every week for my many problems. I also feel that I am the victim of age discrimination as I'm in my 70's and people much heavier than me are having weight loss surgery. I've spent the last few days just crying uncontrollably although I feel a little better today. I haven't been able to sleep either because although I sit propped up in bed every time I feel myself dropping off I also feel as if I'm suffocating and have to drag myself awake. It's a horrible feeling and very scary. Life just keeps on getting more difficult with every passing day. What's the point of struggling to keep going?