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Bad news

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by gellybean, May 4, 2015.

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  1. gellybean

    gellybean Member

    After months of breathlessness my GP decided the problem was my heart and several tests showed him to be right. I saw a Cardiologist last week who told me I had a narrowed valve which needs to be replaced through open heart surgery but he then said I couldn't have it because I am obese and no surgeon would agree to operate on me. I realise that I do need to lose weight but being disabled and having a number of chronic conditions makes exercise impossible and as I already eat very little food I don't know what to do.

    I already felt depressed and suicidal because of all my illnesses but I have just had a death sentence passed on me because without the op the problem will get worse and then death. It may seem strange to feel upset over this since I wanted to die anyway but I wanted control over when I died. Does that make sense? I also know that I may not always feel suicidal and I'm now paying to see a therapist every week for my many problems.

    I also feel that I am the victim of age discrimination as I'm in my 70's and people much heavier than me are having weight loss surgery. I've spent the last few days just crying uncontrollably although I feel a little better today. I haven't been able to sleep either because although I sit propped up in bed every time I feel myself dropping off I also feel as if I'm suffocating and have to drag myself awake. It's a horrible feeling and very scary.

    Life just keeps on getting more difficult with every passing day. What's the point of struggling to keep going?
  2. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    It does sound horrible for what predicament you're in.

    A younger person that weighs more than you will more likely survive, it's a calculated risk not an discrimination if that makes you feel better.

    My 89 year old grandma died last year, doctors refused to operate on her heart when found out she has heart issues she was just simply too thin and frail. She did not eat much so the doctors said no. I was disgusted at the doctors for a long time but just recently came to terms that it's really the health care system costs. They don't want to spend money on bad odds, young, old, anything in between if it's the bad odd against the person it won't be approved....If you were paying for it upfront with cold cash they will say fine.

    I've heard of young adults being rejected for heart stuff due to their risk before
  3. davidIce

    davidIce Member

    Just to say that you suffering does put some of us in perspective. I think the word depression is overused - you have very real reasons to feel bad about the world. Am sorry that I can't think of anything more positive to say :)
  4. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi, I'm so sorry to hear the sad news. Can you walk as the first part of your exercise regime. I am sorry if you have made the wrong suggestion. Be strong my friend.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi gellybean

    I am really saddened to hear this news. If you lose a certain amount of weight will they allow you to have the surgery? Maybe easy things like light walking, more foods with nutritional value in your diet will help you. Have they given you any options as to where to go from here?
  6. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Hi gellybean,

    I am really sorry to hear about your health problems and how lousy you must feel. It must feel like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place, needing to lose weight for your health but unable to exercise because of your health. There are a couple of things you may want to consider. Have you considered seeing a dietician to ensure that you are eating the right sort of foods, eating little but often and advising you on what diet would be best for somebody with your condition? You mentioned you eat very little food, but this is not good when you need to lose weight as it can mess up the way your food is metabolised, especially is they are unhealthy foods. There are also specific foods and diets that are better to eat in people with specific conditions. It may be worth consulting a dietician who can go through meal plans with you and if unable to meet your dietary requirements through diet alone, may be able to prescribe you with nutritional supplements to help you on your way.

    The second thing to consider is something like light exercise. Maybe taking a gentle walk 15 minutes twice a day (or however long you can tolerate at first) would be a great start at trying to exercise, or something like swimming, which is light on your joints and you can just swim at the pace you want and gradually build yourself and your fitness up from there. If you are from the UK (may have something similar in the US and other countries) there are normally gyms attached to the hospital which can be used by a variety of different patients and will have trainers on hand to help you make an exercise plan to suit your needs. My nan did this as she suffers from CCF and COPD so she obviously gets breathless very quickly, but needs to keep up some level of fitness to keep expanding her lungs as much as possible to keep them functioning. She only does very light exercise and has an exercise plan. She did lose some weight by doing this as well.

    Hope you are able to find some solution to help you lose the weight you need so you can have your op, keep reaching out :hug:
  7. gellybean

    gellybean Member

    Thanks to everyone for replying to my thread. Sorry about the delay in replying but I have been in a bad place the last few days. After an unhappy childhood and a miserable marriage I had thought that getting older would bring me some relief from emotional pain but instead I have exchanged it for physical pain and anxiety. Why is life so unfair? Some people sail through life and others battle every day of their lives. I remember the poem by William Blake, "some are born to sweet delight and some are born to endless night"

    I can't exercise very much because of arthritis and lymphedema and the breathlessness caused by my heart condition also makes it difficult. I am trying to walk around the house a little more and very slowly build up my ability but it will take some time to have any effect. I have absolutely no interest in food and I only eat because if I don't I get nausea and dizziness. Cooking has never interested me at all and even less now so I know my diet is not as good as it should be. I have cut out all sweets and biscuits, in fact my partner had a clear out and gave several packets to a neighbour. I have lost a few kilos already but I know this will stop soon as my body adjusts very quickly to a reduction in calories and then I'll be stuck.

    I was up at 5 am this morning with an horrendous anxiety attack so I'm feeling pretty rough at the moment and dreadfully tired but I have to go out this morning. These anxiety attacks are becoming more frequent and are making me more depressed than ever. I feel as if I want to scream and climb the walls and it feels like little insects running round in my belly or in my solar plexus. If I try and relax the panic gets worse and I can't breathe. Just writing about it and I can feel myself shaking. God help me as nothing else can at the moment. I can't live with this constant stress. I wake up in the night with adrenaline coursing through my system and causing havoc. If I sit down after half an hour the same thing happens. I'm a complete wreck.

    I have 20 Diazepam in my drawer. If I take a few I'll feel better but what happens when they run out? My doctor won't prescribe any more and the only other drug that helps is dihydrocodeine but I know drugs are not the answer. This anxiety needs to stop or I'll go mad.
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