When I was a teenager, years ago, something really nasty happened to me, publicly, and instead of being helped afterwards I was blamed and bullied for it til I left the town I lived in and never went back. When I returned to my home country after long years of never letting myself think of what happened I started getting powerful flashbacks to the incident, which recurred and recurred in my head in vivid horrible detail (I think this is PTSD), and forced me to start taking antidepressants again, and I've been on them for 3 years now, because I still cannot bear to speak to a counsellor about the incident, at the time I never even spoke to one person about it, I couldn't face it, and everyone blamed me and some people bullied me. Lately I did something stupid, I googled the guy who did this thing to me and I find he is making a name for himself in a certain career, and it's really really fucking with my head that he could be having great success in life when he is such a disgusting and bad person. I really need help, I need to not care about him, I know I cannot change what happened, I am still carrying the burden he put on me and I am so frustrated with myself for feeling this way. I really don't want him to be successful, I wish him the very worst to be honest but I know I have to let all of this go because it only hurts me. It doesn't affect him at all. I have never talked to anyone about this. I feel too ashamed for letting what happened happen, in my head I know it was his fault but I still can't stand the fact that this horrible thing happened to me and ruined all my self confidence forever. That's the most I ever said about this, if I talk about it its real, and all I ever wanted to do was never talk about it or think about it but its messing with my head and I need to. I really strongly don't want to. I have to try though, it is eating me up inside.