I've never before been so close as now. Used to be a relatively healthy minded individual, with a semi-clear head (ADHD doesn't help) and at least a direction in life. I can't find steady work, I'm behind on bills, more and more every day, and I'm letting my guy down as well as my son. i see no way out. I'm so very tired of this life, I feel trapped. My guy thinks I'm acting out just for drama and Gawd I wish that were true. But then he doesn't take much of what I say as truth either. I've failed in so many important areas of life and just wonder what it is I'm supposed to do. I failed in the relationship department. He says I fuck up on a daily basis. I'm fighting a vengeful ex, intent on driving me crazy and i believe he's finally done it. For all the terrorizing he's done, he's not breaking the law. My poor beautiful son is being pulled back and forth and I'm losing my mind. For 4 years, I've dealt with my ex's relentless onslaught and have grown tired trying to protect what is mine and having to defend myself against his slander. I'm having a hard time finding a job because of him and his constant monkey wrenches. I'm washed up, burnt out and simply having a hard time breathing without the panic of what is and what may be taking me over. I don't know what to do anymore, but i cannot live like this either.