This morning I was left out of the family breakfast. I was the last one up so it should have been okay, but since I woke up just as they were all eating I happened to get to notice that everyone was having eggs and sausage and there was literally no sausage left even for me to cook. It shouldn't have bothered me. But it did. It hurts like fucking hell that they always do this. I'm always the one left out. I'm the unimportant one. And then when I was taking my prescriptions those thoughts came again in new ways. I'm tired of those thoughts. And thankfully I don't have anything that would work the way those thoughts want it to right now anyway, not that I would let them win. I may be tired of this shit but I'm going to get a break from it in April, maybe sooner too. I just don't want next year to begin the way this year is ending. And at least I'm not going to being next year alone like I did this year. But I still just feel like the one that doesn't matter. I just want to be okay. I"m tired of bad days. I'm tired of not wanting the morning to come. I want to feel normal and not like I should never have even been born.