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Bad therapist

#1
** I don't want to discourage anybody from seeking professional help. There are good therapists out there who truly care about their clients.**

This is the 3d attempt to write this post. It bothers me how much this therapist affected my ability to open up.
I ended our sessions last Wednesday. It was a good decision. I should've done this earlier.

I started therapy because some of my PTSD symptoms came back and I had a moderate depressive episode. It was manageable, but I felt it was better if I talked to somebody about this.
My PTSD was caused by a series of traumatic events starting from age 5 to 25. The most difficult part was how other people reacted to what was happening to me. I tried to seek help. A few teachers knew, family members, the school pyshcologist and the police. Some of them believed me, but they didn't do anything to stop the abuse. A teacher believed me and blamed me. Most of them didn't believe me at all. They said that I'm exaggerating or lying.

My therapist did the same, but it never felt so bad. He asked me to write a letter about my trauma and send it to him ( if I wanted to). I did. I wrote about everything that had a negative impact on me. At the end I told him how much it would mean to me if he reads it. I never told anybody about everything that happened. I wanted to have somebody in the world who knows. I always felt alone in this, fighting with the wind mills.
Plus, it was easier to write it down instead of saying those things out loud. Usually I make paintings and drawings about it. I don't talk.
It took him a month to start reading it, but only because I kept asking him about it. He kept saying that he will do it.
Therapy ended after 7 months and he still hasn't finished it.
This moment represents our entire therapeutical relationship. He kept forgetting important things that I told him about during previous sessions, called me by the name of another client. At times he was patronizing and distracted by his phone, but what really hurt me was that he didn't believe me.
Most of the times when I talked about my trauma, I felt as if he was a police officer. He would ask many questions. Not about me or how I felt, but weird specific things from the day of the trauma. He either asked many question in an interrogation style, or he would be silent.

He told me that his suspiciousness is completely normal because it's very unlikely for somebody to have so many traumatic events of sexual abuse/assault, each one involving a different person or people. That anyone would be suspicious.
I never heard something that resembles empathy coming out his mouth. Not one '' I'm sorry this happened''' '' It must have been hard for you''. Nothing.
The closest thing was' 'I'm sorry you and your sister were abused, but it's over. You can' t change the past. In this moment koala's are burning and dying in the fires''

Later on he insisted that he believes me and he isn' t suspicious anymore. I started to feel safe with him... until a memory of a traumatic event came back. That trauma happened when I was 5 and I blocked a part of it by dissociating. I finally recovered that missing piece of memory. It was triggered by something during the quarantine period. It made me sick to my stomach, but I was glad I finally remembered and I could move on. That night I wrote him a message crying and shacking. I was throwing up all night, couldn't sleep.I had physical flashbacks that I couldn't get rid off. He was nice and supportive for the first time, but when our session came and I told him what I remembered, he did it again.
He told me that he believes that it happened, but maybe not in the way that I'm describing it. '' It's just too strange that so many things happened in different environments with different people''. That was it. The first and only thing that came out of his mouth that day.

Now I have a major depressive episode and suicidal ideation on top of the initial issues. I need a real therapist, but I' m not ready to open up again.. yet.

This is the closest thing that I can do for now.

But I will. I'm tired of having all this memories buried somewhere inside of me or in my drawings. I want to let them out. Not just in images. I want to talk and I want to feel that I'm worthy of trust and compassion.

All those men are free. The one who abused me the most is free. I'm not. Nobody questioned or interrogated them.

So I will no longer accept this, especially from a therapist, on my time and my money. I deserve better.
 
#2
He told me that his suspiciousness is completely normal because it's very unlikely for somebody to have so many traumatic events of sexual abuse/assault, each one involving a different person or people. That anyone would be suspicious.
I think it's really the duty of a therapist to show empathy and be on the side of their client, not to second-guess the truth of what they are saying.

Maybe there is someone who specializes in treating survivors of child sex abuse that would make a better therapist.

It's really awful that you have gone through so much abuse, and it makes it even worse to not have a therapist that supported you
 
Last edited:
#5
I think it's really the duty of a therapist to show empathy and be on the side of their client, not to
I think it's really the duty of a therapist to show empathy and be on the side of their client, not to second-guess the truth of what they are saying.

Maybe there is someone who specializes in treating survivors of child sex abuse that would make a better therapist.

It's really awful that you have gone through so much abuse, and it makes it even worse to not have a therapist that supported you
You are absolutely right. I studied psychology and this is something that we learn. As a therapist you have to work with the reality of your client. There's no point in questioning how he/she perceived/remembered a certain event.
When I feel better, I will search for somebody with a specialization in childhood sexual abuse.
 

LOSTINSIGHT

Well-Known Member
#6
Im furious reading this .
this man is a complete joke and needs reporting to the relevant authorities and struck off .your trauma is way out of hes pay grade and hes understanding .
"theres koalas burning " what a complete plonker .
Keep searching for a relevant therapist for your needs .nothing against the decent male therapists out there but you might be more comfortable with a female therapist .
as a fellow human being ,im sorry you had to put with this idiot .
Peace.
 

Daphna

Ninja of light
#7
*console
** I don't want to discourage anybody from seeking professional help. There are good therapists out there who truly care about their clients.**

This is the 3d attempt to write this post. It bothers me how much this therapist affected my ability to open up.
I ended our sessions last Wednesday. It was a good decision. I should've done this earlier.

I started therapy because some of my PTSD symptoms came back and I had a moderate depressive episode. It was manageable, but I felt it was better if I talked to somebody about this.
My PTSD was caused by a series of traumatic events starting from age 5 to 25. The most difficult part was how other people reacted to what was happening to me. I tried to seek help. A few teachers knew, family members, the school pyshcologist and the police. Some of them believed me, but they didn't do anything to stop the abuse. A teacher believed me and blamed me. Most of them didn't believe me at all. They said that I'm exaggerating or lying.

My therapist did the same, but it never felt so bad. He asked me to write a letter about my trauma and send it to him ( if I wanted to). I did. I wrote about everything that had a negative impact on me. At the end I told him how much it would mean to me if he reads it. I never told anybody about everything that happened. I wanted to have somebody in the world who knows. I always felt alone in this, fighting with the wind mills.
Plus, it was easier to write it down instead of saying those things out loud. Usually I make paintings and drawings about it. I don't talk.
It took him a month to start reading it, but only because I kept asking him about it. He kept saying that he will do it.
Therapy ended after 7 months and he still hasn't finished it.
This moment represents our entire therapeutical relationship. He kept forgetting important things that I told him about during previous sessions, called me by the name of another client. At times he was patronizing and distracted by his phone, but what really hurt me was that he didn't believe me.
Most of the times when I talked about my trauma, I felt as if he was a police officer. He would ask many questions. Not about me or how I felt, but weird specific things from the day of the trauma. He either asked many question in an interrogation style, or he would be silent.

He told me that his suspiciousness is completely normal because it's very unlikely for somebody to have so many traumatic events of sexual abuse/assault, each one involving a different person or people. That anyone would be suspicious.
I never heard something that resembles empathy coming out his mouth. Not one '' I'm sorry this happened''' '' It must have been hard for you''. Nothing.
The closest thing was' 'I'm sorry you and your sister were abused, but it's over. You can' t change the past. In this moment koala's are burning and dying in the fires''

Later on he insisted that he believes me and he isn' t suspicious anymore. I started to feel safe with him... until a memory of a traumatic event came back. That trauma happened when I was 5 and I blocked a part of it by dissociating. I finally recovered that missing piece of memory. It was triggered by something during the quarantine period. It made me sick to my stomach, but I was glad I finally remembered and I could move on. That night I wrote him a message crying and shacking. I was throwing up all night, couldn't sleep.I had physical flashbacks that I couldn't get rid off. He was nice and supportive for the first time, but when our session came and I told him what I remembered, he did it again.
He told me that he believes that it happened, but maybe not in the way that I'm describing it. '' It's just too strange that so many things happened in different environments with different people''. That was it. The first and only thing that came out of his mouth that day.

Now I have a major depressive episode and suicidal ideation on top of the initial issues. I need a real therapist, but I' m not ready to open up again.. yet.

This is the closest thing that I can do for now.

But I will. I'm tired of having all this memories buried somewhere inside of me or in my drawings. I want to let them out. Not just in images. I want to talk and I want to feel that I'm worthy of trust and compassion.

All those men are free. The one who abused me the most is free. I'm not. Nobody questioned or interrogated them.

So I will no longer accept this, especially from a therapist, on my time and my money. I deserve better.
I’m literally holding back tears right now. Your situation is possible, and don’t let anyone doubt your credibility ever again. I don’t even know the details, but I already believe you 100 percent. I’ve been through so much as well. I already know some wouldn’t believe me. It’s hard to fathom the extent of evil in this world. Some don’t even bother to. They deny it, because they don’t want to believe it. I believe you, and I want you to know that you’re not the only one in this world that’s been through something so horrible and so awful. I am sorry you are having these Issues with these incompetent pretenders. You are in my thoughts and prayers my friend.
 

Wispiwill

Well-Known Member
#8
I've never been to therapy but even I know that's not how it's supposed to work. I'm so sorry that you've been put through this. Hopefully you'll find someone that you CAN open up to and feel safe with. Everyone deserves to be heard.
 
#9
Are you able to talk to your sister about what happened?
We talked about it recently. For a very long time she didn't believe me either about the abuse that happened to both of us because she didn't remember. She was 9 years old when it happened to her. There were 2 incidents. When I found out I protected her from him, never left her side. I confronted him each time I would feel like he might get close to her again. My method worked and he left her alone. He was only abusive towards me after that.
Recently she started having physical and visual flashbacks of one of those 2 events. She said that she was sorry for not believing me all those years. We cried a lot that day and we have a closer relationship now.
 
#11
Im furious reading this .
this man is a complete joke and needs reporting to the relevant authorities and struck off .your trauma is way out of hes pay grade and hes understanding .
"theres koalas burning " what a complete plonker .
Keep searching for a relevant therapist for your needs .nothing against the decent male therapists out there but you might be more comfortable with a female therapist .
as a fellow human being ,im sorry you had to put with this idiot .
Peace.
Thank you for being so supportive. It means a lot to me.
I definitely would feel more comfortable with a female therapist, but I wanted specifically to talk to a man because it's hard for me to be vulnerable with them. With women I have no issue whatsoever opening up, talking about my feelings, even cry. But with men I have my guard up and I tend to be closed off. I want to fix this, so I thought it was a good ideea to work on this with a man who's a professional and will know how to deal with my vulnerability.
There are a lot of great men out there and I want to be able to form friendships with them and not be so emotionally stiff.
 

MisterBGone

SF Supporter
#12
Well, it looks like we’ve found our “Worst Therapist on EARTH,” award recipient for the year. . . Goodness! I just want to say - before I forget - that the smartest woman I’ve known said it took her 10 therapists before she found the right one (but she’s a bit of a perfectionist; & a pain in the neck, so that may have been part of the...) You! Deserve to find the proper professional to help you / this is supposed to be what their trained for — I half wonder how this guy got his credentials (& even if he actually did??) or is he working fo r somebody you know , kind of a thing. . , becaus e either one of those scenarios would lend itself to plausibility much better than what you have just laid out— it’s like a thing, with them right? Doctors, people with multiple initials after their names/titles. They can get these power trips, and have egos & then perfectly good and decent honest people like yourself come to them - seek them out, for said help, only to be taken advantage of, or treated with such indifference that it is downright alarming; baffling; I mean you could try to make a movie or tv show about it - but nobody would buy it? It’s too unbelievable (can only suspend our disbelief for so long. . .) Don’t give up! Statistically speaking you’ve got about a 100% chance of finding somebody better oj the very next shot. Will they be the right one long term or all the way through? Who knows, but maybe they can bridge the gap and get you to that point and place where you’re able to be in a position to find the most ideal therapist. I still can’t believe that he didn’t believe you? I just can’t get over or wrap my night around it?? What could he have possibly been able to achieve? Or was he just that careless, argh, now I’m starting to get angry! : ) he took advantage of you in the senses that you entrusted him with your story and your care and your overall well being. And he treated it like a blind speed date that he knew he wasn’t going to give the time of day to even before the moment they both sat down. . . Just forget everything he said. That’s the best advice I can offer you or give. It’s like in “My Cousin Vinny,” when Joe Pesci stands up to give his rebuttal of the case of cross examination of the witness (because I forget exactly what was the thing that was going on by the prosecution but I believe he was asleep , before the judge interrupt Ed him , & woke him up...” —EVERY THING THAT GUY JUST SAID WAS B— S—!” Thank You, Yoir honor.. (& then the judge, who was played by Herman Munster from the tv show, goes ~everything will be struck from the record,” besides Thank-You. : )
 
#13
*console
I’m literally holding back tears right now. Your situation is possible, and don’t let anyone doubt your credibility ever again. I don’t even know the details, but I already believe you 100 percent. I’ve been through so much as well. I already know some wouldn’t believe me. It’s hard to fathom the extent of evil in this world. Some don’t even bother to. They deny it, because they don’t want to believe it. I believe you, and I want you to know that you’re not the only one in this world that’s been through something so horrible and so awful. I am sorry you are having these Issues with these incompetent pretenders. You are in my thoughts and prayers my friend.
Thank you so much for your support! I really appreciate it everything that you've said. I have no words❤️

This therapist could learn a lot from each one of you.
 
#14
Well, it looks like we’ve found our “Worst Therapist on EARTH,” award recipient for the year. . . Goodness! I just want to say - before I forget - that the smartest woman I’ve known said it took her 10 therapists before she found the right one (but she’s a bit of a perfectionist; & a pain in the neck, so that may have been part of the...) You! Deserve to find the proper professional to help you / this is supposed to be what their trained for — I half wonder how this guy got his credentials (& even if he actually did??) or is he working fo r somebody you know , kind of a thing. . , becaus e either one of those scenarios would lend itself to plausibility much better than what you have just laid out— it’s like a thing, with them right? Doctors, people with multiple initials after their names/titles. They can get these power trips, and have egos & then perfectly good and decent honest people like yourself come to them - seek them out, for said help, only to be taken advantage of, or treated with such indifference that it is downright alarming; baffling; I mean you could try to make a movie or tv show about it - but nobody would buy it? It’s too unbelievable (can only suspend our disbelief for so long. . .) Don’t give up! Statistically speaking you’ve got about a 100% chance of finding somebody better oj the very next shot. Will they be the right one long term or all the way through? Who knows, but maybe they can bridge the gap and get you to that point and place where you’re able to be in a position to find the most ideal therapist. I still can’t believe that he didn’t believe you? I just can’t get over or wrap my night around it?? What could he have possibly been able to achieve? Or was he just that careless, argh, now I’m starting to get angry! : ) he took advantage of you in the senses that you entrusted him with your story and your care and your overall well being. And he treated it like a blind speed date that he knew he wasn’t going to give the time of day to even before the moment they both sat down. . . Just forget everything he said. That’s the best advice I can offer you or give. It’s like in “My Cousin Vinny,” when Joe Pesci stands up to give his rebuttal of the case of cross examination of the witness (because I forget exactly what was the thing that was going on by the prosecution but I believe he was asleep , before the judge interrupt Ed him , & woke him up...” —EVERY THING THAT GUY JUST SAID WAS B— S—!” Thank You, Yoir honor.. (& then the judge, who was played by Herman Munster from the tv show, goes ~everything will be struck from the record,” besides Thank-You. : )
Well, now I'm super curious about that movie :))). I will definitely watch it. Your description was hilarious and so realistic. I could almost picture the scene!
I know who Joe Pesci is, but I must admit that I haven't seen his movies. Or did I? Did he play in Home Alone? The comediant George Carlin said once that Joe Pesci gets things done. It stuck with me :)))

Regarding the therapist, I will try to forget about what he said. Your analogy with the speed dating was very accurate. The good thing is that I've also studied psychology for more than 5 years and I know what to look for in a therapist and what to expect. This one catched me a little bit off guard, but I will be more harsh when selecting the next one. Kind of like speed dating. No more compromising or giving second chances.
 

Daphna

Ninja of light
#15
*console
I’m literally holding back tears right now. Your situation is possible, and don’t let anyone doubt your credibility ever again. I don’t even know the details, but I already believe you 100 percent. I’ve been through so much as well. I already know some wouldn’t believe me. It’s hard to fathom the extent of evil in this world. Some don’t even bother to. They deny it, because they don’t want to believe it. I believe you, and I want you to know that you’re not the only one in this world that’s been through something so horrible and so awful. I am sorry you are having these Issues with these incompetent pretenders. You are in my thoughts and prayers my friend.
Thank you so much for your support! I really appreciate it everything that you've said. I have no words❤️

This therapist could learn a lot from each one of you.
You’re most welcome.
 
#16
I've never been to therapy but even I know that's not how it's supposed to work. I'm so sorry that you've been put through this. Hopefully you'll find someone that you CAN open up to and feel safe with. Everyone deserves to be heard.
Thank you. I will find somebody better eventually.
I don't know how some therapists get their licence. There are some things that everybody knows that they shouldn't do or say. It has less to do with psychology and more with common sense and decency.
 

MisterBGone

SF Supporter
#17
Well, now I'm super curious about that movie :))). I will definitely watch it. Your description was hilarious and so realistic. I could almost picture the scene!
I know who Joe Pesci is, but I must admit that I haven't seen his movies. Or did I? Did he play in Home Alone? The comediant George Carlin said once that Joe Pesci gets things done. It stuck with me :)))

Regarding the therapist, I will try to forget about what he said. Your analogy with the speed dating was very accurate. The good thing is that I've also studied psychology for more than 5 years and I know what to look for in a therapist and what to expect. This one catched me a little bit off guard, but I will be more harsh when selecting the next one. Kind of like speed dating. No more compromising or giving second chances.
Wonder if he held that against you , somehow (the psych student 👩‍🎓 thing?) . . It’s like he’s got to play the Master, or the Senior, or whatever else/other comparison you want to make! You know, it’s funny, reminds me of how I always used to hear severs / waiters say that, other waiter s & servers were some of the most difficult and challenging customers (or that they had the capacity to be; certainly many or most are not, that would serve little purpose. .): but that they generally then trend to “tip-the-best!” So it’s too bad that you didn’t get your Payoff, so to speak. . .

yes, that movie is awesome. It’s got marissa tomeu & there New Yorkers heading to Alabama it soemplace to defend his nephew. And the hilarity ensure /s. . ; ) it’s the movie with the line - I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of it, becaus it is so old ... but “My biological clock, is tick-ing like this, Vinny!!!!” As she stomps her feet on the front porch to the rhythm of her digg. . : ) & I love George Carlin’s, he’s like my Hero. Was J.P. the one he talked about worshipping , in place of the sun ☀️? Oh! It’s been too long..;)
 
#18
It's terrible that this happened to her too, but I'm glad that she believes you now


While it's good that you protected her, I wish someone had protected you too
It was a bitter sweet moment. I wish I could've done more for her and prevented it from happening in the first place.
But she is doing very well and I will always be here for her.
 
#19
Wonder if he held that against you , somehow (the psych student 👩‍🎓 thing?) . . It’s like he’s got to play the Master, or the Senior, or whatever else/other comparison you want to make! You know, it’s funny, reminds me of how I always used to hear severs / waiters say that, other waiter s & servers were some of the most difficult and challenging customers (or that they had the capacity to be; certainly many or most are not, that would serve little purpose. .): but that they generally then trend to “tip-the-best!” So it’s too bad that you didn’t get your Payoff, so to speak. . .

yes, that movie is awesome. It’s got marissa tomeu & there New Yorkers heading to Alabama it soemplace to defend his nephew. And the hilarity ensure /s. . ; ) it’s the movie with the line - I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of it, becaus it is so old ... but “My biological clock, is tick-ing like this, Vinny!!!!” As she stomps her feet on the front porch to the rhythm of her digg. . : ) & I love George Carlin’s, he’s like my Hero. Was J.P. the one he talked about worshipping , in place of the sun ☀️? Oh! It’s been too long..;)
That's a very clever suggestion. In the beginning when I used basic psychological terminology, he would say ironical things like '' See, who's a smart girl? ''.

I haven't heard of it, but it's on my list. I like old classical movies ( Citizen Kane for example. Although this isn't the oldest that I've seen. City lights might be.)
George Carlin was brilliant, I never laughed so hard and asked myself some questions at the same time :))).
Yes, it was that lovely part when he said that he would probably pray to Joe Pesci because he looks like a guy who gets things done :)))) Love it.
 

MisterBGone

SF Supporter
#20
You’ve got great taste in movies 🎥!

You know, it’s like the thing where the “expert” feels “threatened” by the apprentice, or whatever (I’m realizing now that ‘expert,’ was a poor choice of words; but it could be applied to any discipline... like comedy for example - a veteran & the young hot star..) // So, you know in order to deal with this feeling of inadequacy, or the perceived threat, they will attempt to belittle, or discredit - or million other things to minimize their attributes, or success almost as a form of sick perverse coping mechanism. Or somethjng!

And yeah, that movies like early early 90’s! So, might be a little dated (in terms of freshness, not necessarily political incorrectness...” but again I haven’t seen it in forever. Funny stuff though, I can remember if the lawyer was a director (or the reverse!) ; ). . . Have you read any of his books? Like brain droppings or napalm & silly putty? I really liked Jammin’ in New York & I forget the name of the other one from probably the mid 90’s o r thereabouts: just brilliant! I remember hearing a story of a young girl interested in getting into comedy - she told this on the tonight show or something like that, I think... but she sent letters in the mail to countless name comics asking for suggestions (on getting her career started or how to write an act). And he was the only one who responded. Not only did he do that, but I guess he met up with her and showed her how he keeps his notes organized what kinds of files he’s using on his computer and whatnot, kind of like his process, I guess. That was so cool 😎!
 

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