Bad thing

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Alyssa88, Sep 1, 2007.

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  1. Alyssa88

    Alyssa88 Active Member

    Ok, so life started getting really good. I honestly thought I was doing fine, but the worse thing ever happened. Last night I got very, very drunk . . . the usual, I was very close to alcohol poisoning and although I felt sick I was numb and therefore kind of happy. Anyway I got in my car and drove to the store, because Im an idiot. Then I got home a drank alot more, I thought my friends were sleeping. They were mad at me for driving again, so I was in my room, ignoring them. I have been saving these pills from when I got very sick, they are my security. I guess I had them out and was going to take them (I honestly do not remember tany of this) and my friend walked in and freaked out. He went ballistic. Anyway, I kept denying that I was suicidal, which I think made it worse. Somehow he brought up me not eating and then throwing up anything I do eat, I don't understand how he knew about that. I really dont need much food. They are all worried now, and I dont want them to be. I dont like hurting them, as they are the only people (along wiht my sister) who don't have a some sort of conditional love for me, they really do love me. I feel like this is something I have to do, but I can't imagine causing them pain. I need to plan a way to detatch them from me. I can't let them hurt. I just want to get out of this situation, I need my great escape. I can't have people knowing about this. I am not supposed to be like this. They say I am in denial and they want me to get help, but Ii don't see why. I know what I need. Ii just can't believe they know about me, who I really am. I have been ignoring them all day, and my friend just told me he is coming over tonight and I am nervous. I dont want him to try and make me open up or anything. Right now I am at work, and I am a little drunk and high, not much, but enough to have alot of difficulty typing this, hope it makes sense. I just need to stop beinig.
     
  2. JustWatchMeChange

    JustWatchMeChange Well-Known Member

    If you have people in your life who love you unconditionally, first of all you are blessed second of all listen to them. If you want you can contact me at myspace.com/johnwiggins You have a future. Don't blow it
     
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