I wanted help. I had never looked for it before. I had no idea where to go. I ended up trying the first few suicide help chat rooms that Google offered. You know it's a bad day when one suicide chat room is empty and the other is closed. Guess you're not allowed to want to kill yourself after midnight, or at least seek help for it. Which sucks, because I keep looking at my wrists more and more, knowing there's a knife in the kitchen drawer which can get the job done. Or a handful of the Pain PM pills chased with alcohol. Is it bad that I have multiple ways of doing myself in? <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>... It's amazing how looking at something so simple like a thumbtack can get your mind thinking about some pretty nasty stuff. All it would really take is one sharp object, and I could just not worry about how bad I mess up everyone's life anymore. I know what it feels like to have a loved one kill themselves. I know what it does to a family, how it rips them apart sometimes. Yet my mind still sees it as the best solution to everything going on right now.