bad timing (caution may trigger!!)

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by consciousinsane, Sep 22, 2006.

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  1. consciousinsane

    consciousinsane Well-Known Member

    I have been getting progressivly worse all day. From suicidal thoughts to wreakless driving, to wanting to take a 30 day supply of meds (135 pills) just to see what happens. I get back to work after lunch and my software locks up. I have not saved! IT THROWS ME OVER THE TOP. I"M SHAKING ALL OVER. I just cut myself. As soon as I finished slicing thru my shoulder I see someone coming towards my office. I don't have time to place a bandage over my fresh wound. I cover the cut with my shirt and lean forward so the shirt doesn't soak up my blood. It doesn't work and the blood continues down to my elbow. I use my right hand to stop it and get blood all over that. FInally the fucker leaves and I'm able to clean up. GOD I HATE THIS FUCKING WORLD!!!!!!


    AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!:mad: :dry: :sad:
     
  2. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    That sucks. :hug: How is your shoulder now? If the cut is deep and still bleeding then maybe it needs some medical attention. Check out this thread to get some ideas for what you can do when you feel like self harming, hopefully a few of them techniques will help you.
     
  3. consciousinsane

    consciousinsane Well-Known Member

    It hurts a little but I like it. It's soothing to me right now. I've got a bandage over it now so it's still bleeding a little but not all over the place like it was. The problem with that list you suggested is, well simply put I'm crazy. I want to self harm. I want to do it a lot. I don't NOT want to do it. I like to see the blood. I like seeing the blood. I don't know why and deep down I wish I didn't, but my daily mind craves it.

    I want to cut again, but that guy keeps walking back and forth. My chest is so tight from panic attacks that I can't breathe. I feel like crying. I just ....ah hell I don't know anymore. I feel like such a waste of the human body.
     
  4. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    You're not crazy :hug: Infact I'm sure there's many self harmers who feel the same way. It's all well and good to say try a few of the techniques but sometimes nothing is quite as good as 'the real thing'. I guess you need to want to stop to be able to attempt to stop and you may not feel like that now but in time, you most probably will.

    As hard as it is, try to resist the urges to self harm, especially as you are currently in the workplace. Try to keep yourself distracted, maybe you could do some of the work set inside your work place, read, maybe reply to threads or go on Arcade King and play some of the games. Hopefully the distractions will help you.
     
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