Bad week

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by carter001, Apr 1, 2010.

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  1. carter001

    carter001 Active Member

    So I just spent a week in the psychiatric ward after trying to overdose again.Not sure what to do now.You see I suffer from BDD(body dismorphic disorder)and it makes me feel suicidal.I look in the mirror and all I see is ugliness.People around me tell me I look fine but I don't believe them.I wish this nightmare would end.

    The doctor has me on clozapine which is good at suppressing the suicidal thoughts but it makes me feel weak.My family have no idea how I feel.They know I feel suicidal but they don't know what it's like to wake up everyday and have to face "what I've become",my facial appearance is bad",that is my skin is bad because I didn't look after myself years ago and now I'm suffering for it.

    I don't know what to do.If I end it my family will be heartbroken but if I stay alive I'll just continue living in shame of how I look and the fear of being around people.
  2. Pebble

    Pebble Well-Known Member

    Hi I'm sorry your feeling so bad at the moment, I may not be the best to help as feel exactly the same at the moment. Has the hospital put some support in place for you now that you are out of hospital?maybe someone for you to talk through so that you don't feel like taking your own life is the only way out? It can help if you feel like you have some sort of support around you, families dont seem to be a support really as they dont understand and you dont want to worry them but maybe talking support from a professional may help? x
  3. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I understand how it feels to hate your appearance, but I'm sure that there must be a way to feel better about yourself...
    afterall... there are some pretty unattractive people in the movie industry who seem to have no problem with their appearance, right?

    I think you need a change in lifestyle to help you change your attitude towards yourself.
    I'm not exactly sure what you should do, but I know there's got to be a glimmer of hope at least.

    Hang in there, please?
  4. carter001

    carter001 Active Member

    thanks everyone
  5. peacegirl

    peacegirl Well-Known Member

    Carter, there is nothing to be ashamed about. Where does this shame come from? I just want you to know that no matter has happened in your life, you did it because you felt it was the best choice at the time. You are not to be blamed for this whatsoever. Maybe this will help you even a little bit. That is my prayer.
  6. carter001

    carter001 Active Member

    Thanks peacegirl

    The bad decisions I speak of were excessive drug usage.I smoked a lot of marijuana which made me very paranoid.I thought people were looking at me funny,I still do even though I'm off the drugs 6 years now.I stopped looking after myself while I was on the drugs,my appearance went downhill and I just didn't care how I looked.I lost a lot of weight too but thankfully I've gained it back now that I'm eating better.

    Thanks for the prayer,I pray for you also.
    Big hug...and thanks again for listening:rose:
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