Be honest with yourself, do what you want to do, say what you want to say, be the person you want to be, maybe thats enough, maybe it isnt, maybe you find love some day, maybe you dont, maybe everything in your life is set to be fucking awful just like the last 34 years have been, maybe your time is short regardless of what you do and dont do, so whats the point anyway? Your carrying too much baggage, your driving yourself towards physical and mental breakdown. Its really quite simple, if it helps, go with it, if it doesnt, let go of it. Think about your life for a second... Its time to let go and leave it all behind. That starts today.