Bah!!!!!!!!! im so fuckin sick of me and of my life... i want fuckin change and i think i can do it and then try to make changes and then life gets in the way, and i make excuses and just end up sitting and doing nothing....im so pissed at myself for being so fuckin stupid....its all right here in front of me...all i have to do is get up and do it...or try at the very least...but i stop my self...im too fuckin scared... i live in fear of stupid things... i have an opportunity to go to some social events but i just cant see my self going to them as i dont know anybody there and just feel like i would make an ass out of myself if i did go and i just dont know how i can change this in me... I just want a bit of a life, something ....something that would help me feel like this is worth sticking around for... i know its in me i just have to get over this fear...this fuckin crippling fear...I feel unworthy of friendship and love so for me to seek that puts me in a vulnerable spot ... i feel exposed emotionally and if something goes wrong i fall apart and think why did i even try as i know how it was going to end...me alone and feeling worse about myself....then i fall back into this fuckin hole im in now...looking up all frustrated and going slowly insane...why am i sooo scared and sooo fragile that at the 1st little thing that goes wrong i fall part...BAH!!! i hate this shit!!!!