Bah!!!

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by 1izombie, Jan 18, 2011.

  1. 1izombie

    1izombie Well-Known Member

    Bah!!!!!!!!! im so fuckin sick of me and of my life... i want fuckin change and i think i can do it and then try to make changes and then life gets in the way, and i make excuses and just end up sitting and doing nothing....im so pissed at myself for being so fuckin stupid....its all right here in front of me...all i have to do is get up and do it...or try at the very least...but i stop my self...im too fuckin scared... i live in fear of stupid things... i have an opportunity to go to some social events but i just cant see my self going to them as i dont know anybody there and just feel like i would make an ass out of myself if i did go and i just dont know how i can change this in me... I just want a bit of a life, something ....something that would help me feel like this is worth sticking around for... i know its in me i just have to get over this fear...this fuckin crippling fear...I feel unworthy of friendship and love so for me to seek that puts me in a vulnerable spot ... i feel exposed emotionally and if something goes wrong i fall apart and think why did i even try as i know how it was going to end...me alone and feeling worse about myself....then i fall back into this fuckin hole im in now...looking up all frustrated and going slowly insane...why am i sooo scared and sooo fragile that at the 1st little thing that goes wrong i fall part...BAH!!! i hate this shit!!!!
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your right fear does hold you back and negative thinking projecting that into the future not good either. the only way to change is to try right. I hope you are one anxiety meds that will help you not be so fearful. Also try doing something small at first that will start you off. Spending less time at first with others then increasing that time. I too like you are very sensitive to what people think and say but most people are kind they are understand. I hope you can chose to do one thing okay today and just do it. Make yourself do that one thing and think positive project positive outcome okay hugs to you:hugtackles:
     
  3. 1izombie

    1izombie Well-Known Member

    :) you always reach out to others thats what i like about you ...thx for your kind words ... im just feeling stuck by my own mind/thoughts and i needed to vent...sometimes i just feel like screaming at the top of my lungs "fuck you world" lol but i dotn wanna sound crazy lol so ill just vent in here instead...
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    lol well where i live in the country there is no one around so sometimes i do that go outside and just scream those words right out of my head and the anger and pain too. I am glad you can come here and vent and scream good work hugs If you need to you can pm me anytime okay hugs and more hugs to you:hugtackles::hugtackles::hugtackles:
     
  5. 1izombie

    1izombie Well-Known Member

    thx ;) im feeling more than anything frustrated with myself.. i just hate feeling this way and feeling hopeless cause i cant seem to change or move on from here... oh well life sucks :S
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    ahaha i get it your stuck me too stuck wanting to move foward but dam feet won't move and my brain either. It is okay to get frustrated sometimes the anger from the frustration motivates us to make that step a small one but none the less a step forward. Maybe if you have your therapist or a close friend help you with those steps they would be easier hugs.
     
  7. 1izombie

    1izombie Well-Known Member

    yeah a friend would be helpful but i really dont have that kind of support and well ill given up on therapy but i guess i should really think about getting back into it. I havent been on any meds for a long while now and maybe thats why im feel like shit more and more...
     
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    even if you can do a few sessions with therapist just to help unstick you Meds also i have come on and off them and i go back on them when i am stuck like now i am going to go back on my antidepressant it gives me energy actually to get things done I think if you could try these two things it would help move you forward a bit and take some of that frustration away I hope you do okay you deserve some happiness not so much blah take care of YOU okay hugs
     
  9. 1izombie

    1izombie Well-Known Member

    I know your right my work has this work place counselling thingy i might try out...better than doing nothing i suppose... thx again for your kind words :)
     
  10. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Let me know how it goes okay hugs
     
  11. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Total Eclipse = good advice..:hugtackles:hope you feel better soon zombie
     
  12. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    *agrees with Total Eclipse* Getting back into therapy might help, or at least give you another outlet for what you're feeling. :hug: Not sure what type of social events you're talking about, but try to take things one step at a time. Is there anyone at all you know that's going to any of them? Or can you invite someone to go with you?