Baked Alaska

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by LonelyKid, May 2, 2008.

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  1. LonelyKid

    LonelyKid Well-Known Member

    Since I've joined here a long while back I've come and gone. Meeting people here and there. Getting a kind word here and there. I've lurked these forums often on and off. Posted something here and there often a whining thread, or on a general discussion thread, or something to attract someone to help me cope with something. Based on the last, more often than not, I failed. Though I'm not surprised. I'm not the most charismatic person in the world.

    I've posted here only every time I've had serious thoughts of doing something. Though before my second attempt I posted nothing. Told no one. Said nothing for days. I don't know what this means. I'm pretty sure no one here can understand really about me. This isn't a place where I could find a friend as I'd hoped a long while back but that's my fault. Perhaps its just that I've never been any good at it. Every once in awhile a kind person here would talk to me and I'm very thankful to them.

    The truth is I've spewed my life story and random stories on this place over and over as rants. Slightly disgusted every time at the selfish attempt at other people's time for nothing. I've looked at a lot of stuff on how to feel better, pull myself out of this alone and I just don't want to do any of those things. Life is a never-ending struggle. People like me just don't want to struggle. It takes work to be happy, I'd have to change, I'd have to. I just have no desire, reason to, or drive to. Besides those who have no desire to protect their lives perhaps they don't deserve to have them. If there were less of people like me around the world would be better.

    I have tons of regrets behind me. Tons of mistakes. I'd probably just have tons of more to make. I just regret I never got to eat a baked alaska more than anything. Ha! Such a ridiculous notion. It's been a painful and pointless ride. I'll just close my eyes for the rest of the trip.

    You guys here though, get better, feel better. I really have seen some good people here. They're the ones who deserve real happiness and I know will work for it. Adios.
  2. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    I identify with how you feel, sometimes I feel like an outsider and that nobody cares, on here and in the outside world. It eats away at you.
    I understand the sadness and hopelesness you feel right now, but please, I really hope you don't do it. Try and get help, go and tell someone how you feel, call a crisis line, anything.
    I'm here if you want to talk.
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    My hand is there to help guide you along while your eyes are closed hun. Please dont do it. The world would be a prety boring place if we were all happy and content. So it needs you there too. I want you to have the opportunity to learn from your mistakes and to work on changing some of those things you regret. Dont shut yourself out and off. PM me and maybe I can help you to atleast want to open your eyes to peek out at the world every now and then. Please be safe.
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i make a great baked alaska, will you let me make one for you? it won't travel well, so we'll have to meet up one day. i guess this is my way of saying, please stick around...

  5. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    I can feel what you are saying, but it doesnt have to be like that.
    I could really do with a friend here too. Maybe we could give it a go?
  6. Xian

    Xian Well-Known Member

    your words are beautiful,
    but don't just leave us with them...

  7. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    Has anyone heard from this persons since?
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :no: I hope he is okay.
  9. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

  10. Boratz

    Boratz Well-Known Member

    I have tons of regrets behind me. Tons of mistakes. I'd probably just have tons of more to make. I just regret I never got to eat a baked alaska more than anything.

    I am on my 40's I still don't know what I am doing.
    Mistakes are chances to learn from them.
    As we go through life we become immune
    to regrets so take it easy, you will be a stronger person inside.

    It is easy than done but it can be done. Acceptance helps build courage
    & courage makes us resilient.

    Suffer your pains ,but don't fear them. This is from Endinday ,one of the members here. You can do it.
  11. protonaut

    protonaut Well-Known Member

    (Matthea Harvey)

    The moat simmers at 210°. From his tower the king watches, pleased, as a swallow tries to land on the water, squawks & flies off. He believes in setting a good example. O the flesh is hot but the heart is cold, you’ll be alone when you are old, his favorite country song—on repeat—is being piped through the palace. Downstairs in the dining room, the princesses gaze out the window at a flock of pigeons turning pink then black as they fly in & out of the sunset. The princesses put down their spoons & sigh. Baked Alaska for dessert again. The flambée lights up their downcast faces. In the fireplace, dry ice sizzles didactically. When dinner is over, they return to their wing of the palace, The Right Ventricle. On a good day, they can play Hearts for a few hours before they hear the king’s dactyllic footsteps (dámn the queen, dámn the queen) coming down the aorta & have to hide the cards. They aren’t allowed to adore him, so they don’t, just allow his inspections—checking their eyes for stars, their journals for heated confessions. Because he is a literal man, he never finds anything. But that night, when he’s gone, the princesses tiptoe down to the palace freezer. Sticking their fingers in sockets is no longer enough. Amongst the frozen slabs of beef, they sit in a circle on blocks of ice & watch the red fade from their lips and fingers, the frost on the floor creep up the heels of their shoes. Finally when the skin is numb, the heat starts retreating into their hearts & they can feel it—love, love, love.
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