Since I've joined here a long while back I've come and gone. Meeting people here and there. Getting a kind word here and there. I've lurked these forums often on and off. Posted something here and there often a whining thread, or on a general discussion thread, or something to attract someone to help me cope with something. Based on the last, more often than not, I failed. Though I'm not surprised. I'm not the most charismatic person in the world. I've posted here only every time I've had serious thoughts of doing something. Though before my second attempt I posted nothing. Told no one. Said nothing for days. I don't know what this means. I'm pretty sure no one here can understand really about me. This isn't a place where I could find a friend as I'd hoped a long while back but that's my fault. Perhaps its just that I've never been any good at it. Every once in awhile a kind person here would talk to me and I'm very thankful to them. The truth is I've spewed my life story and random stories on this place over and over as rants. Slightly disgusted every time at the selfish attempt at other people's time for nothing. I've looked at a lot of stuff on how to feel better, pull myself out of this alone and I just don't want to do any of those things. Life is a never-ending struggle. People like me just don't want to struggle. It takes work to be happy, I'd have to change, I'd have to. I just have no desire, reason to, or drive to. Besides those who have no desire to protect their lives perhaps they don't deserve to have them. If there were less of people like me around the world would be better. I have tons of regrets behind me. Tons of mistakes. I'd probably just have tons of more to make. I just regret I never got to eat a baked alaska more than anything. Ha! Such a ridiculous notion. It's been a painful and pointless ride. I'll just close my eyes for the rest of the trip. You guys here though, get better, feel better. I really have seen some good people here. They're the ones who deserve real happiness and I know will work for it. Adios.