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Baked Beans

Discussion in 'The Coffee House' started by Terry, Sep 14, 2008.

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  1. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    This one is much too cute not to share. Enjoy! Be sure to grab a tissue; I think you'll be laughing so hard you'll cry!

    One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

    Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work.

    Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home.

    On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand.

    With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans.

    All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
    Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly:
    "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."

    He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang.

    He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.

    The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the

    opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.

    It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

    Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.

    Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable.

    When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and

    folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

    My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long.

    He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

    At this point, he removed the blindfold, and there sat twelve dinner guests seated around the table who chorused "Happy Birthday!"

    I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  2. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    lol hahahahaha!!!!
  3. The_8th_Wonder

    The_8th_Wonder senior Member

    hahahaha that would be quite embarrassing!
  4. Cath

    Cath Staff Alumni

  5. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    Brilliant :laugh: Terry!
  6. nagisa

    nagisa Staff Alumni

    :rofl: hahahahahahahahahahaha
  7. Izziebabystar

    Izziebabystar Well-Known Member

    haha shame :p
    im crying with laughter :D
  8. Colourful

    Colourful Well-Known Member

    OMG! that's terrible! i would die of embarrassment! haha i actually feel embarrassed reading that!
  9. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

  10. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Lol i like that joke :)
  11. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :rofl: :laugh: That is too funny.
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