Bang bang bang

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Kirsty_Ann, Dec 1, 2010.

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  1. Kirsty_Ann

    Kirsty_Ann Well-Known Member

    It doesn't seem to matter how hard i try or what i do, i just don't feel better. . . i look at myself as though i am a ghost looking in at what i used to be.
    I'm sick of this. . .
    my head hurts all the time,
    my heart aches all the time,
    I wish it go away. . .
    i wish i would go away,
    i really don't know anymore. . .
    I always hoped that one day i would wake up and feel ok, that i would smile and think today is gonna be a good day. . .
    the only time that that will happen is when i won't be able to think it. . .
    Don't have the energy to sit and cry or moan anymore, just want it to stop.
    Just wish it would stop. . .
    My head just keeps pounding, feels like it won't stop. . . and i guess it won't either.
    I don't like devaluing life but i wish mine had been given to help someone else. . .
    if reincarnation exists, i must have been something awful in my past life. . .
    This is it,
    love as always,
     
  2. Arthur

    Arthur Account Closed

    Hey Kristy_Ann!

    I know how you feel, that describes what i'm going through.

    You're not alone...
     
  3. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    Are you still having a bad time Kirsty? Hows the college course and the job? Is there any chance you can take some time out?
    I think you might need your meds looking at again. You're dipping badly. Can you get to your GP tomorrow? You're going to need some prof help to get out of this.
    Wish I could come and give you a big hug, you sound like you need it. PM me if you need to, I'm always here for you
    xxxx
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hope you reach out for support for help okay time to say doc i need some help. Get med adjusted maybe some time away from the stress. but please reachout and get some help for you okay please
     
  5. Kirsty_Ann

    Kirsty_Ann Well-Known Member

    I've got my appointment on monday, too much snow here.
    I'm at uni and well i have nowhere to take time out from, having no family or friends to stay really.
    I don't know anymore. . . it feels so much harder now.
    Guess i just have to ride it out as i don't have the motivation to do anything else.
    I just try so hard to feel ok, i get out of bed and try not to overthink things but if feels as though it has control over me, like no matter how hard i try i can't feel better . . . maybe i don't deserve it, just logically it doesn't work
    But thank you
     
  6. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Is there any counselling support from uni?
     
  7. Kirsty_Ann

    Kirsty_Ann Well-Known Member

    Well i had my old counsellor for 2 years then she developed a personal attachment and got confusing, so i have to get a new one; was meant to see her yesterday but the cancelled, then she cancelled today so will wait til tuesday but i really don't wanna start again; guess i have no choice
     
  8. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Shit - I think your counsellor was unprofessional!!!!
    My GP provides CBT - would that be any help to you?
    Samaritans helped me short term and so did MIND.
    I know it takes a lot of strength to ask for help but it is out there.
    X
     
  9. Kirsty_Ann

    Kirsty_Ann Well-Known Member

    Yeah i know,
    i guess i'm the kind of person to play everything down; it took me over a year to go to the docs, i just have to wait it out i guess :/
    xx
     
  10. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Do you play things down cos you don't deserve to be helped?
    What will help you survive until you have your appointment?
    I am from North England and have been tracking the weather - it's pretty severe and that doesn't help?
    Stay strong and keep posting - I find just logging onto sf helps - I feel less alone.
    X
     
  11. Kirsty_Ann

    Kirsty_Ann Well-Known Member

    yeah, i feel that there is no point in asking for help, as though i am wrong i guess. I've had to stay pretty strong all of my life, i guess i don't know how i would explain it to be, i guess i don't know how to do it, i please people; it's what i do and don't want them to worry i guess.
    Yeah weather is rubbish, i've never seen so much snow in my life.
    I don't know, i guess i just have to keep doing this everyday, i just don't see any other option that i can plausibly carry out
    x
     
  12. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Staying strong is very tiring - ask for help because you deserve it.
    The weather is shit but think how fabulous Spring will be!
    x
     
  13. Kirsty_Ann

    Kirsty_Ann Well-Known Member

    Yeah i'll see thankyou
    i guess it could be pretty :)
    xx
     
  14. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Just need to get through winter. December 21st is the shortest day and then it gets better - hang on till then
    X
     
  15. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I don't know if there is such a thing as karma/ reincarnation. What I've heard said about the subject is that it can some times take quite a while for your karma to catch up with you. You seem like a pretty nice person to me!
     
  16. Kirsty_Ann

    Kirsty_Ann Well-Known Member

    Thankyou . . . it just gets to the point where you there has got to be a reason for feeling or having people act the way they do . . . maybe i'm wrong.
    i don't know
     
  17. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    well, I don't know what people are doing, but maybe you can say.


    I think that if you are suffering, really only compassionate people will be nice to you. People who don't care will usually avoid being around someone who is suffering. Bad people will see someone who is suffering and try to hurt them even more, because someone who is suffering makes an easy target that can't fight back.
     
  18. Kirsty_Ann

    Kirsty_Ann Well-Known Member

    turns out to be the problem i guess. . . people just generally walk out on me; the only constant thing in my life; my step-dad, then my step-brothers an sisters, my mum, then my brother, my counsellor then my closest friend . . . the upsetting thing is the excuses they use is all about them; mu couldn't cope anymore, counsellor developed a personal attachment and friend thinks she isn't as good a person as me and can't stand to be around such a person. . .
    I would like anyone around me, doesn't matter if they wanna hurt me more, just wish there was someone there i guess. . . seems i do not deserve that much. . . fact of life apparently,
    but thankyou for your concern and help :)
     
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