Banned from Wal-Mart

Discussion in 'The Coffee House' started by Terry, Jan 25, 2009.

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  1. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    BANNED FROM WAL-MART


    This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.
    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
    Wal-Mart .


    Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get
    in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loved
    to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the
    local Wal-Mart:

    Dear Mrs. Samsel,

    Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in
    our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both
    of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below
    and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts
    when they weren't looking.

    2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
    intervals.

    3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's
    restroom.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
    'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on
    layaway.

    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
    shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from
    the bedding department.

    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him, he began crying and
    screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

    9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
    mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked
    the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the
    'Mission Impossible' theme.

    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by
    using different sizes of funnels.

    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
    yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

    14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed
    a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

    And last, but not least .

    15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then
    yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'


    This is too funny NOT to share.
     
  2. Hurted

    Hurted Well-Known Member

    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked
    the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    :laugh:
     
  3. cinZamurai

    cinZamurai Well-Known Member

    ct.
    Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
    yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

    *Priceless :laugh:*

    Thanks for sharing Terry.
     
  4. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
    shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from
    the bedding department.

    ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha . ... can i sleep over ? ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha i am SO glad you shared this. first time i've laughed in DAYS . .ha ha ha ha :hysterical:
     
  5. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    :biggrin:
     
  6. hammockmonkey

    hammockmonkey Well-Known Member

    As an ex-employ (granted a different store than wal*mart) I will tell you, the joke with the ringing alarm clocks, Fucking annoying to deal with. It took me 2 hours to find and turn off the ringing alarm clocks (2am-4am) but I felt it was worth company time to do so.

    Also, I was banned from Wal*Mart, because peeing in the kids section is a BIG no-no.
     
  7. Synesthetic Soul

    Synesthetic Soul Well-Known Member

    EL. OH. EL. Hehe. Hilarious!
     
  8. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed
    a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

    ^^^^This made me seriously :rofl:
     
  9. ergo51

    ergo51 Well-Known Member

    Lolzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....................Brilliant.........No3 is especially dark and funny..........
     
  10. porcelain child

    porcelain child Well-Known Member

    Haha.... that was funny...
     
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    :laugh::laugh:awesome
     
  12. Bob26003

    Bob26003 Well-Known Member

    :laugh:

    Is that real? If so that dude is freakin awesome!
     
  13. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    i know this is an old thread but dang this is awesome. i like it a lot. lol
     
  14. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

  15. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Fucking hilarious..thank you...
     
  16. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    haha too funny :D
     
  17. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    Is it real? :eek:hmy:
     
  18. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    hahahahahhhahahhahahahahhaha......
     
  19. friendless

    friendless Well-Known Member

    I used to work at a Wal-Mart and I would pretend not to speak English just to irritate customers.
     
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