So this morning i looked at my clock and realised i was an hour late for work this was the third time in 2 weeks, my thoughts were 'fuck it' and i went back to sleep, i've never done this before, i just felt whats the point. I woke up a couple of hours later and had a miss call from my boss, i rang her back and she started asking me questions as to why in recent times i've been acting differently, i eventually told her about my suicide attempt back in 2010 and my constant suicidal thoughts, she then told me that i wouldn't be allowed back to work unless i saw my doctor about it. I couldn't believe it she is effectively blackmailing me, perhaps it's for the best but i'm worried now because i work for an agency and they don't pay for sick days, which means next week i won't be able to pay my rent, i already owe thousands in rent which means i'll end up getting evicted thus being made homeless and making my suicidal tendancies much worse. You know in films when you can see that something bad is about to happen and what it is but as a viewer you're unable to prevent it, thats how my life feels at the moment, my life representing the film and me the viewer or the other way round which ever one makes sense. Once again me being honest has made things worse. I can understand not allowing me back in work if i worked with other people or even machinery but i don't i move box literally from one place to another. I have a strong feeling that my boss wants to get rid of me but scared that if she does i might end up killing myself (which i wouldn't, not over that place) i just wish she would put me out of my anxiety and sack me already.