Hey, I haven't been here in a while. I just recently survived an accidental overdose that a lot don't believe it was accidental and it is "officially" a suicide attempt. I was first in the hospital for about 2 weeks and I had to deal with a very transphobic and horrible dr. (I am a transgendered female. I am legally female and completely pass, however the dr. has to know for obvious reasons.) Anyway in the hospital I virtually got no sleep. And when I finally got out for 2 days I got no sleep at all. I was at school during this time and I was very frustrated that I couldn't sleep and I wasn't thinking clearly because of it. I had a lot of work to make up so I had to sleep. I ended up taking a lot of one medication (a xxxx amount which 1/10 of what I took would knock out most) and it did nothing. So then I went onto another med and another med and so on. My mom all the way back home felt something was wrong and called the school police to check up on me. I was found in my apartment in a coma state and barely alive. Luckily I did wake up when my mom drove all the way up there. I was told that I should not have survived this. The one pysc there seemed to be pretty transphobic as well sadly and spent no more than 5 minutes with me and called it a suicide attempt and decided when I was physically better, he was going to transfer me to a ward. To him it was basically because I'm transgendered it means it had to be a suicide attempt. >.< We got a second opinion and he spent a good hour with me and realized it was an accident and didn't think I needed to go to a ward. However, he didn't have the power in the hospital so the first pysc threw away the second opinion. I only spent a day in the ward and was sent home because the Dr. there felt it was an accident as well and I wasn't a threat to myself then. However, my school made it so I can not return until next semester because they need to cover their own butt. They have to consider it a suicide attempt cause they are afraid of getting sued if I "tried again." My biggest support is up there within the LGBT community there. So going home, home was not the best thing for me, but here I am at home. I am now going to a partial day program that they didn't think I needed because I don't have a mental illness I'm told. However, they are doing it so they can write the right letter to the school in case seeing a therapist a bit wasn't enough for them. It is alright and I'm getting a bit from it. Just not much. It is helping move past all this cause it was a VERY traumatic experience for me. I've lost a lot of close friends because of this. They think I tried to kill myself and most think and keep asking me if there was at least a little part of me that wanted to die when I was xxx. It makes me wonder if there was a little part of me that wanted to die since I'm asked it so much. I don't know. But I am not sure if I want to go back to school now, because I've lost so much support there right now and I'm afraid of it not being the same and me being ousted and miserable there when it was a safe space for me before. Maybe go to another school, I don't know. Just right now, that is really bothering me. I NEED their support to get past this. Especially when I get back to school it's going to trigger a lot for me and I'm going to NEED the love and support to get through it. Otherwise the stress will just build up and I'm going to go back home so I don't do something stupid again. I can't let something like this happen again.