One major thing in my life right now that is bothering me is my writing class. It hurts to even think about it. I know that I shouldn't be struggling with this as much as I am now. I am supposed to turn in a mock portfolio tomorrow but I have a feeling that it is not going to go well. This is just making me want to commit suicide even more. There is a part of me that says "just kill yourself before writing class tomorrow so you don't have to embarrass yourself." It is tempting but as usual, thinking about suicide and having the willpower to do it are two entirely different things. When it comes to writing for school, it is the same for me as with people. I get really anxious and I worry about every little word that I am writing. I can't do this. I know I have to though because if I don't I will have wasted all that money on this writing class.
I was going to write about suicide. But when I tried to start writing about it, I didn't realize how hard it would be. I was so stupid to think to do that! Why would I, a suicidal person, want to write about suicide!?! It was just too hard and I couldn't do it. I might go to sleep now and try to wake up before the class but that has not worked out in the past. The writing professor must hate me just like everyone else in my life. I would talk to him more and try to get some help with the writing but my social anxiety disorder makes it hard for me to talk to almost anyone. I don't do enough in that class. I am a really bad student. I shouldn't have even went to college. What was I thinking? Please please help with any advice you have.
I was going to write about suicide. But when I tried to start writing about it, I didn't realize how hard it would be. I was so stupid to think to do that! Why would I, a suicidal person, want to write about suicide!?! It was just too hard and I couldn't do it. I might go to sleep now and try to wake up before the class but that has not worked out in the past. The writing professor must hate me just like everyone else in my life. I would talk to him more and try to get some help with the writing but my social anxiety disorder makes it hard for me to talk to almost anyone. I don't do enough in that class. I am a really bad student. I shouldn't have even went to college. What was I thinking? Please please help with any advice you have.
s back*Thanks for the idea. I know I need to write something. 
I am a little better now but Wednesday I really was ready to kill myself. But I went to my writing class instead. I don't know why I even went. I almost left but I stayed through the whole class. If I would have left I honestly don't know if I would be alive right now. His class really helped me feel better though because he is really funny and nice. I am grateful for people like him because he made me feel less like killing myself. I know I really have to try harder though, and I am going to work on writing this weekend.