Bath

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by BlackPegasus, Feb 4, 2008.

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  1. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    I ran myself a bath and lay there in the warm water in the dark. Usually a bath is something of comfort but it didn't ease my pain. I had a razor beside me on the edge of the tub. One thing I've realized is that everyday is a roller coaster ride constantly ups and downs. Fairly normal for those who've been through what I have so I've been told. The only difference is there are now ups and brief moments of happiness and relaxation. Before there was none of that. Live another day of pain...one after the ohter..all I want is for him to see the pain he's caused.
     
  2. Veclord

    Veclord Active Member

    He's gone now (at least physically). So really, what does it matter? You've put up with enough abuse and foolishness. The pain he put you through needs time to heal, but by dwelling on your past you keep picking open the wound. Give yourself a break...you deserve it.
     
  3. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Sweetheart,
    I am truly sorry for all that you've went through in life and in your marriage. Reading your posts and talking to you really reminds me of how I was when I first left my ex husband. I too remember wanting him to see all of what he did to me and I wanted him to say he was sorry for all he did, I wasn't going to go back to him but that's all I wanted, I felt I needed that to let go, I felt I'd never have closure without it. I wish I could say one day he'll realize all he did and that he'll be sorry, but he may not, because often these types of abusers feel like they've done nothing wrong, that whatever they do no matter what it is, is justified. I know it is far from justified but so many of these batterers and abusers are like that, and anther tricky part is a lot of abusers have a fake face and a fake likable personality they use in public and around others.. and often you find they don't believe you, they think "oh, he's so nice, never", but don't let that get to you anymore than you can help it, because you know the truth, you don't need to justify yourself to others and I am here for you and believe you and I'll always be here for you.

    I know this is going to feel so hard for you, but I'm going to really hope the first year goes by fast for you.. I was in this first type of stage after you leave the abuser, and it lasted at least 9 months for me. Though everyone is different. I hope your support group helps, I never found one here, so maybe that's why it was harder, I was going mad and reaching out to mostly people who didn't understand, except 1 amazing woman here that talked to me on here and on the phone after I had no home and went through it all, I won't ever forget her. But believe me, you can make it, you can get through this. I have faith in you, you are a very strong woman, you probably feel weak now, because you've been broke down and drained, but to survive this long makes you so much stronger than you'll ever imagine.

    I wish I could just wave a wand and just make it all go away, make it all just a horrible dream, but I can't, but in the future you will look back on it and know you made it, you made it out of that hell, even though it will have seemed at first you never could have. Stay strong sweetie, call me anytime, you know I'm always here for you day or night. Love ya. :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 4, 2008
  4. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    Thanks :hug:
     
  5. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    You're welcome hun. :hug:
     
  6. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    It was a bit weird when I was at the domestic violence center yesterday with the court advocate and some of the support group papers mentioned a hot bath as a way of relaxing my first thought was of this thread. :sad:
     
  7. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Aww hun.. :hug:
     
  8. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Well that's pretty ironic because your image and what can follow was very toxic for me today. I could not get it out of my mind.

    "Bath." What happened to *warning* or *caution* or *trigger*? Believe it or not, readers are not immune to your pain and dark images Peg. I come here for help, too.

    ToHelp
     
  9. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    It's really simple. You can report my post and have a staff member add trigger if it triggered you. Wouldn't upset me at all if the staff had to do that. I've seen a lot of posts talking about much worse without trigger warnings, especially since it is posted in the suicide forum section I just assumed the reader would know it's about suicide. I'm truly sorry it triggered you however it was not an intentional or malicious post meant to upset anyone. I was talking about my pain and looking for support, not trying to trigger anyone.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 6, 2008
  10. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Heya, Peg :hug:

    It's a bit late for that of course. I just found the post perversely titled for lacking of any warning and, after a day (at work) of seeing you and your hair floating in a tub of warm, bloody water, it was therapeutic for *me* to post and explain that to you. There are no ill feelings Pegasus, ok?

    On that subject, I think all such seemingly innocuous titles (by anyone) should have some notice, for protection of all.

    ToHelp
     
  11. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    I'll hopefully remember to think before titling my post. Sometimes when I'm so upset it's hard to remember. I am really sorry you saw those images because of my post. :hug:
     
  12. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Pegasus thank you so much... that acknowledgement is so healing for me. LOL it's so silly but I am near crying. I think it's your acknowledgement. Thanks. :hug:
     
  13. ChronoCrusade

    ChronoCrusade Member

    cmon, get over the pain he caused you. i mean, who the hell cares about him (unless you still care about him). don't let him see you in a weak state, don't let him pity you. stand up and be strong, so that one day you can pity him. don't let the world change you, you change the world. oh ya, there are people who cares about you, only that you haven't met them yet (like me, and many kind people on this forum). so don't give up on life, one day you 'll meet them. :biggrin:

    Happy Chinese New Year! hope you make lots of money:tongue:
     
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