Battered Being Syndrome

Discussion in 'Domestic Abuse' started by minion, Oct 16, 2008.

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  1. minion

    minion Well-Known Member

    It’s supposedly called the ‘Batter Being Syndrome’ where a person is abused and they don’t see that the abuse is wrong. Most times the abused have a strong emotional longing for their abuser. They may be in love with them. Most times it’s physical abuse but at other times it can be emotional and pshcological as well. The victims may know that they are abused, and deep down know that what is happening maybe wrong, but they don’t go out of their way to make it stop. To lose that connection with their abuser is too much for them to bear. Some even seek out comfort from their abuser directly after an abusive episode.

    I read this on Wiki….a friend of mine told me to look it up. I thought that they were joking about it. I know this last year hasn’t been all that grand, but I didn’t think that anything was really wrong. We had our few fights and what nots, but we always were able to make a mend out of it in the end. Now after reading it, it kinda opened my eyes. Like what really has been going on, isn’t right. That this isn’t right, anymore.

    I look at the signs now and see them. He wasn’t over-controlling like telling me what to wear or not to go out, but he was controlling at the same time. He always made sure that I knew my place when it came to him and our ‘friendship’. He would throw it back in my face everything I did wrong, every time I was wrong. It got old after awhile, and soon I began to tune him out. His little rants were just back ground noise to me after awhile.

    It wasn’t until that he started to do things with out me, and I was hurt that I realized that there wasn’t something right. I used to do tons of stuff by myself, and now here I am saddened cause they left me out. Oh, please, this so can’t be the real me. But sadly it is. I went from a fun and loving carefree girl to one who sits on the steps worried that he’s not coming back. That I did something to upset him. That I did wrong.

    The whole fight and make up thing, yep, sadly enough I’ve done it. I’ve blown up at him, and within hours, am back trying to seek some kind of comfort from him. Like what happened was my fault. Like he’s a god, and nothing he could do would ever be wrong.
  2. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    It is awful to hear your turmoil and pain. Yes, it is mixed in with fun - that is the annoying part of it all.

    I used to think I was crazy - that this guy was great right now, I must've overreacted earlier...

    The bad part about it is the bad times get worse, control and abuse just escalate unless the people involved learn how to put the brakes on.

    All you can say right now is that this isn't a healthy relationship - and it is so easy to fall into without noticing. Get to know the warning signs of controlling relationships and get to know yourself. Like, why is it easy to fall for this kind of relationship?

    Glad you have a friend that cares enough to alert you to this!

    Take care.
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I know exactly what you are talking about. You can't seem to escape, yet you deny that there is a reason. They get you to believe it was a fluke and won't happen again, yet it does and you forgive them because the good times are there as well. Soon they have you convinced you made them do it. You think if only you do it better it won't happen again. It becomes "normal" to you Leaving does not seem as easy as staying, so you stay. The abuse is something familiar and known. It is far safer than the unknown. Total control is what they thrive on. TBear is right when she says it escalates and gets worse. If you suspect you are in a controlling relationship, chances are you are and you need to get out while you can. :hug:
  4. The Scream

    The Scream Well-Known Member

    kinda sounds like how i was while i was living with my parents...
    i knew deep down somewhere it was wrong, cause it hurted me, but i felt a need for them, which was stronger it felt like than the pain i felt... i ignored the pain, while there was no love to feel at all...
    i was blind...
  5. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    when i look back, this was what happened with my ex gf. i actually wrote, "i feel like i've been raped," but i'd already fallen in love with her and she was 'a dream come true for me.' what a fucking mess and i'm glad it's all over with her. i don't feel any inclination for her comfort or her love anymore after i broke up with her cleanly in february.

    there was more, but i only properly woke up last summer when the way she was treating me was so much like when we first met. then i thought, no way, i don't want to be treated like this anymore and slowly bought things to her attention. the way she reacted was like she could never be in the wrong and i was always in the wrong. it was really eye-opening to see her reactions to my feelings.
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