battle between life and death

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by twistedwhispers, Mar 3, 2013.

  1. twistedwhispers

    twistedwhispers Member & Antiquities Friend

    I have no one. My "friends" only talk & have something to do with me when I initiate it.
    How people can say they care & love me but treat me like this? Actions really do speak
    louder than words.

    Part of the reason is they have a life. Boyfriends/husbands/children. I have NONE of that.
    Just my Mom & Dad who are getting up there in age.....they are my life. I want to die before
    them.

    There are so many effed up things going on with my family. It would be a book to write.
    I do have a blog. I talk about it there. Little pieces at a time.

    I am just done. I do not want to be here!!! But I won't do anything for fear of failing.

    See, I take medication for anxiety (and depression ) & I get so stressed at work. I
    was demoted & the position I am in is okay but very very fast paced. When I take my
    anxiety pills, the make me slur or mess up my words. Since I am on the phone all day
    at work, that's not good. I fear getting fired. If that happens, I am gone. My pay will
    be cut in April by about $7.00. I won't be able to help my parents.

    Anyway I look at it, I need to go. May God have mercy on my soul

    Sorry for the book. Just needed to get some feelings out.............
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and so sorry you are feeling so awful...did you speak to your doctor about the side effects you are having? I was on an anti-anxiety medication and did not experience that. Also, I think we have to teach people how to treat us,especially if we are prone to isolating...friend do not know what to do and what we want...can you ask them to be more attentive and create a more responsive situation for yourself? I have found that my friends welcome the direction...please continue to post and PM me if I can help
     
  3. twistedwhispers

    twistedwhispers Member & Antiquities Friend

    Thank you. I will talk to my friends. I honestly believe that we do teach people how to treat us.

    Thanks too for the offer of pm'ing you if it gets bad. Having that as an option helps and makes me feel less alone. (((hugs)))