I'm new to the site, but not to this feeling. I've been suicidal since I was a child. I recently spent time under IP care at a local mental health facility. The nurse working admissions told me I had "battle fatigue". I was diagnosed with PTSD (already knew that) and Bi-polar Disorder. I can't afford the meds. I can't afford therapy. I am buried in medical debt from previous surgeries. I can't afford to finish college. I am tired. I feel like I have been fighting my whole life and I just don't know if I can keep going. I don't have family to fall back on. My friends have distanced themselves from me ever since I got help. That is a whole new kind of pain since I do not tend to trust people or make friends easily. The rejection has added to the despair. The only thing tethering me is my daughter. I feel like I have failed her. She has godparents that would adopt her in a heart beat if something happened to me and give her the life I will never be able to. It feels selfish to keep her from having that kind of life. She is young enough not to remember me, or even if she did it wouldn't be traumatizing if I died. Things are getting worse and I am losing my grip. I don't know how much longer I can hold on. I am scared, I am hurting, I am lonely, I am tired, and I am running out of options and will power.