I really don't know why or how I ended up here tonight. I guess I'm just so tired of being alone and feeling suicidal. I was searching for sites about suicide, maybe to find one that could help me get it right this time. I have unfortunatley survived two attempts. But this came up. A little FYI about me. I suffer from depression, panic attacks, anxiety, recently diagnosed as bi-polar, went for my first cancer treatment and spend most of my days sitting in my house not wanting to know the world exists. No this isn't a oh poor me, I accept all the crap that has fallen on me. It's just that I can't stand what it is doing to my children. They don't know what will take me first suicide or cancer. I hate what I am doing to them. I try so hard ever day trying to make things better for them but at the end of the day, when they are all asleep, nothing has changed. I can't keep doing this. I try telling everyone that I am just soooo tired emotionally and physically. But they are all "normal" and can't understand. I guess I am hoping that there is someone out there tonight who does understand. Not that I'm saying your "abnormal" but maybe just my kind of "normal." Well there it is. I could go into greater detail but I've said enough and wasted enough time.