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Be honest.....Should I be embarrassed and considered a loser?

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Well-Known Member
I guess this question is more for the ladies here, but honest opinions will be appreciated from everyone. I hope you can give me some honest opinions even though they may be hard for me to hear. Basically for the last 5 years I have lived with my grandma taking care of her. Her health has failed a great deal with her having respiratory problems and she now is around 70% blind. That has been my job for the last 5 years, and let me tell you it is one of the hardest things for anyone in there life to do, and I would never wish it upon anyone. As you see a loved ones health fail you fall deeper into a depression. Like I said that is been mainly my job. During that time I have gone back to school and achieved one college degree, and I am currently working on my second degree getting my Respiratory Degree.

Other things I have done is I have ran marathons, and this past June I competed in my first ever bodybuilding contest and I finished in 3rd place. So I guess now it is time to hear the truth about the question I asked. I have not asked a girl out in over 5 years. I feel that they will think "God, what a loser he has no job and lives with his grandma and he still goes to school."

Like I said no matter how hard it will be to hear, do you think most women will think this about me? I mean I am in my 30's. Thanks.
Hey homer,I too was taking care of my grandparents a couple of years ago and I have nothing but admiration for you. I sold my flat moved in with them while my grandad was sick,now I'm sleeping on my mothers couch till I find a new place to live. I'm embarrassed about my situation,I don't work and I wouldn't dare ask a girl out coz I don't feel to good about myself,lack of progresss in this life etc... I'm 39 btw,you shouldn't feel embarrassed but I just fear that people judge you in this life on material wealth and women only wanna be with successful men,I hope I'm wrong!!
Sorry I haven't helped you but I posted coz I can relate to how your feeling.
Take care and good luck friend


Well-Known Member
I think a women would like to have a guy who is so compassionate. It doesn't make you a loser, and it's such a selfless thing you are doing taking care of your grandmother.


Well-Known Member
its admirable that you can take care of your grandma, that's a lot of heart. And that's something that a lot of people wouldn't do, like me.

be honest, do you really think you will receive an honest answer here? of course they will say something nice. You're on a suicide forum.

Honestly, you seem like a motivated man having completed Marathons and competed in bodybuilding and even took third place. Girls love motivated men. But you do need a job though. What kind of girl wants to date some guy in his 30s with no job? Since you're motivated, even have the energy to go back to school, you will find a job sooner or later. I don't think girls will mind as long as you keep trying, motivation is a good drive.


Staff Alumni
Any person who would consider you a loser in this context, is a loser him/her self. That seems to be a good litmas test to see the quality of the person you may consider as company


Well-Known Member
I help look after my grandmother as well. There's nothing to be embrassed about. It shows you're responsible and caring, and going to school shows love of knowledge and dedication. I know a lot of people who left school after one year, but you're working on your second degree. I think that's awesome! So no, I do not believe you are a loser at all.
I agree with everything said before me, your compassion is quality that not only i but many other people will admire you for. I think you're doing a great job! Through out life we have to prioritise those that are more important and must come first. Any female (infact ANYONE) that considers you a loser for putting your family members and education first isn't worth your time. I not only admire you for the caring of your grandmother but doing it while bettering your education, i don't know many people who would be able to do that.


Well-Known Member
Well your a bodybuilder so your in good shape, thats to your advantage. Degree educated that is also good, these are attractive things.

As for living with your gran, I've live with my gran and have done for a while, mostly to save money, I'm in my 30's my last gf had no problem with it. She also didn't care that I'd been laid off and only managed to get a really crap job and had not much money. My friend lives with his grandparents, for similar reasons, he is in his 30s, he has a gf she is fine about this. He also has no job this doesn't really bother her. He's a good laugh and fun to be with, she loves him, so the rest is irrelevant.

I think if you are attracted to a person and you enjoy spending time with them, the rest doesn't matter too much.

I think get a job though, otherwise you've got no money to go out together, this sucks.

Also obviously, when I was getting to know my last gf, I didn't lead with the line, hi I've got a crappy job and I live with my gran. I got to know her a bit first, by the time she knew these details she was into me anyway. I used the ambiguous phrase "i live with family" perhaps a little white lie, as I myself was worried about the, i'm in my 30s in this situation so must be a loser etc.

As for maintaining a relationship when you're dating the girl, I haven't got a clue. Although if your prone to depression do be very careful. I got totally crushed when my last relationship broke down, and it still affects me over a year later, so take it easy.

Good luck, I'm sure you'll do fine.


Antiquities Friend
Staff Alumni
My God! If I was 20 years younger I'd snap you up, what a gem.
Ok no job, excuse me but you do have a job. If all someone wants is material things then they're not going to give you a chance, but any decent woman will think you are a prize to be snapped up.
The fact that you're also studying to better yourself should further enhance your chances, given that when things are different you will most certainly be gainfully employed.
I wish there were more like you in the world :smile:


Sim Addict
Safety & Support
SF Author
SF Supporter
Being a carer is a full time job hun. You are not a loser at all, you are one of the few gems of society.
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