I just need someone to be really truly brutally honest.... Because thoughts arent actions so i cant gauge the severity of whats goin on. Ive been cutting again but thats not what im worried about. Its the times i want to die so much i think about doing it myself. I was walking down the sidewalk and i kept telling myself to run into traffic... But i wasnt thinking because my brother was with me and i forgot about how it would affect my family. I wasnt there... I was walking but it was like a movie or something. Its no depersonalization i dont think because i remember it fully, not bits and pieces. I also know where my dads xxxxxxxxx are if that makes a difference. I held it the other night. I thought that i might just pack a bag and live on the streets because i dont have a job or money and im living with my parents so at least im not their problem. Id do bad on the streets though, so id probably make a beeline for the xxxxxxxxxxx.