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Be really honest, no hugs and take care bullsh*t

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#1
I just need someone to be really truly brutally honest.... Because thoughts arent actions so i cant gauge the severity of whats goin on.

Ive been cutting again but thats not what im worried about. Its the times i want to die so much i think about doing it myself. I was walking down the sidewalk and i kept telling myself to run into traffic... But i wasnt thinking because my brother was with me and i forgot about how it would affect my family. I wasnt there... I was walking but it was like a movie or something. Its no depersonalization i dont think because i remember it fully, not bits and pieces.

I also know where my dads xxxxxxxxx are if that makes a difference. I held it the other night.

I thought that i might just pack a bag and live on the streets because i dont have a job or money and im living with my parents so at least im not their problem.

Id do bad on the streets though, so id probably make a beeline for the xxxxxxxxxxx.
 
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Sadeyes

Staff Alumni
#3
From what you have written, there is no way to understand the severity, other than to say, it seems that you seek guidance for your SH and suicidal ideation. Not knowing you, one cannot tell if it has worsened, and what to make of what you have said...also, depersonalization can take many forms, and losing time and place is only one aspect...it is a feeling of being estranged from your true self, being somewhere/someone else...a distance within...J
 

Decode

Well-Known Member
#4
Have you tried getting some support like going to the doctors. If you tell them some of what you have just posted i would expect they will offer you some options, they do help alot of people that are depressed.
 

Prinnctopher's Belt

Antiquities Friend
SF Supporter
#5
If your encrypted question is whether we think you should follow through with your suicidal thoughts, you won't find an answer here telling you to do so if that's what you're looking for.
 

Wastingecho

Well-Known Member
#6
ok here goes

days like today i keep seeing my body lifeless in a dark place, or at the bottom of the building, on the tracks, or in the 8 lanes of traffic i have to cross to get to my building

honestly not sure why i'm still breathing, except like you said, thoughts are not actions

no guarantees that will always be the case - all you can do is try to not put yourself in a position to make it worse

stay where you have a place and try to focus on improving the things around you
 

Julia-C

Well-Known Member
#7
I too am a bit confused as to what you are asking. On the chance you are asking if you should commit suicide, I will say this. Everything we do, and everything we say have repercussions; nothing no matter how much it seems like it would only affect ourselves, in reality only affects, ourselves. How ever as an individual we should have final say over our own bodies, and our own lives. That doesn't mean I think you should or shouldn't. I can only say with 110% honesty, that there's nothing which would make me have more then a passing thought of ending my own life, even though I don't have any family left, or close friends.

I will encourage you to seek help either through personal interaction with friends, through a professional, or even through people here. There's nothing more final then death, and nothing more impossible to retract.
 
#8
Lol i wasnt asking if i should kill myself. I guess what i was askin is if from these thoughts i may be in danger of actually killing myself and need inpatient treatment, or whether i'm just thinking and its not something to wory about.
 
#9
i think for me i know i need inpatient is when i have a plan and a date set. you don't have to let it get that bad, but for me that's when i know i'm in trouble.

if you have good control over your impulses (not just the suicidal impulses, but all things as a guide) then you should be okay. if you are very impulsive, though, that's another reason to seek treatment.

are you receiving outpatient care? sounds like it would help.
 

Julia-C

Well-Known Member
#10
Lol i wasnt asking if i should kill myself. I guess what i was askin is if from these thoughts i may be in danger of actually killing myself and need inpatient treatment, or whether i'm just thinking and its not something to wory about.
No one involuntarily kills themselves, it's a conscious decision. Only you know if you are at risk of making that decision.
 

doityourself

Well-Known Member
#11
Please talk to a doctor about whats going on, he can tell you what he thinks the next step should be.

But I have felt like that before to, mine was pulling out in front of trucks. One day I was sitting at a stop sign and just felt like I was in a zone, like all my movements were really slow and my brain was just mush, no thoughts were coming to mind, it was just saying now do it now. I dont know how I snapped out of it, but it did scare me enough to go to the doctors the next day. Now I think if I would have pulled out in front on them I could have hurt someone else, killed a father or a brother.

If you feel in danger tell someone, tell your brother, tell anyone that will push you to get help.
 
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