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Be yourself?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by tendenCs_89, Dec 31, 2008.

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  1. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    What if people dont like who you are?
    what if by being yourself you have very few friends and are miserable all the time
    i always want to be myself
    and i always want to be stronger, happier, smarter, more confident, etc

    but those 2 things contradict. im not a happy, smart, strong, confident person. By being myself i feel dejected and miserable. By trying to be like those things and being like other people i feel inconsistent, phony, and tbh it never really makes me feel better

    what should i do?
  2. Locket

    Locket Well-Known Member

    i don't really have any advice for this
    more to say that i feel like this all the time too :sad:
    i guess i am just holding out to find some friends or at least one person, who will accept me as i am
    sorry you feel so down hun :hug:
    if you ever need to talk, don't hesitate to PM me :smile:

    laura x
  3. hellwithhugewounds

    hellwithhugewounds Well-Known Member

    chuang Jao.

    I'm in the same situation myself. I've been down the road where I'm myself, and I don't act like how people want me to act. That went down the drain. I'm now more miserable than ever because my true self is... pathetic. All I can tell u is that was my experience with being myself. I can't tell you what acting like someone else will get you.
  4. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the kindness laura
    and thanks for the advice hell
    i really hope someone actually has an answer
  5. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You may not be happy, or feel smart, confident, or strong. But weakness, lack of confidence, or feeling inadequate are not qualities of who you are. They are things which come and go. If you start to feel more confident, does that mean that you are not being yourself? No, it just means you've gained confidence. Don't start thinking these things are apart of who you are, because people change.

    I know how you feel though. I try to be myself, and I have few friends I'd say. I have beliefs which I feel are different from a lot of people, and sometimes I think people think I don't make any sense. But I suppose all I can do is be who I am, because being fake and having friends is much worse, or at least it feels much worse to me. I could go hang out with people I don't want to hang out with and do things I don't want to do so I could have "friends," but I wouldn't be any more happy.

    Hopefully you can/have made some friends here. It's not the same as having friends close by, but it's something.

  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree with I love you,
    You are far better off being yourself. You won't feel fake!!People are more apt to drift your way if you are honest with yourself. You should look for ways to lift your self esteem. Maybe do some volunteer work at an ALF or your local animal shelter. Just something that will make you feel better about yourself. The more positive vibes you put out the better!!~Joseph~
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I totally agree with spencer :)
  8. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Same, i have to agree. Spencer hit the nail on the head there. Just dropping in to give you some hugs. Sometimes, like today, i suck with advice so i'm not even gonna try. But i do agree with a lot of what Spence said. :hug:
  9. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    Thanks guys
    yeah i guess im having an identiy crisis and i dont rele know who i am, or what im like
    Thats interesting what iloveyou (are you spencer?) said, that confidence and stuff like that isnt what makes people
    but then what does make me who i am? o well no one here can answer that i gotta find out for myself
    fuck, i just hate feeling so confused and with no options
    like im trapped in myself :(
    but thanks, you have actually made me feel better
  10. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I just be myself no matter what situation that I'm in and if people don't like me, then I really could care less. In my real life, I don't have many friends, just a couple, and I'm not even that close with them. My best friend really ticked me off a while ago and we haven't talked since.
  11. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    yeah thats basically what ive been doing for a while now, and i know its the best way forward
    but it isnt so fun if it means you dont fit in at all, is it worth doing the right thing even if it makes you miserable?
  12. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    I think meeting new people is the best way to go. No one is liked by everyone because everyone is different and no matter where you go you're going to find people with different mindsets, personalities and beliefs that disagree with yours. But the reverse is also true, keep meeting new people and you'll find people with similar traits that you'll get along with, will like and who will like you in return.

    The problem is when people have been really hurt in the past and stop meeting people or showing their real personalities around new people because they're afraid that hurt is going to happen again. No one can like you for who you really are if you never show them who that is.

    Although I do also think there are some situations when restraint is a good idea. If you're 99% certain a trait you have will disturb people, I don't think it's a good idea to advertise that trait just for the sake of being yourself. That sort of thing should wait until someone is comfortable enough with you to accept parts of you they disagree with and like you anyway.
  13. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    i only saw your reply just now reki, and that was actually amazing advice
    ive never really thought of it in that way and thats really helpful
    thanks :)
  14. JohnADreams

    JohnADreams Well-Known Member

    But that applies to all aspects of personality. For instance, I used to be an anarchist with a bad temper. God know why but it made sense at the time. :dry: It was a part of who I was but it still changed and I'll probably change again in the future.

    Gaining confidence does change a part of yourself, your actions and opinion of the world. It's a change for the for the better but it is still a change. :smile:
  15. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Was going to try and offer some advice to you but I think that between Spencer, Joseph and Reki it's all been covered. Best wishes:smile:
  16. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    thank you all :)
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