1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Beauty all around.

Discussion in 'Positive Feelings and Motivational Messages' started by Sa Palomera, Apr 7, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Sunday evening it came to me, it just popped into my head, after so many years, it just popped into my head: Life IS worth living and there are so many beautiful aspects to it.

    Yes, we are depressed, yes we are suicidal, but we NEED it to appreciate all those good things out there.
    If I hadn't gotten depressed back in 2004, I would've just lived life.. Wait, I wouldn't have lived life then, I would've gone through life breathing, instead of living.

    Now I have been getting myself together and just past sunday it popped in. Life is beautiful. If you just look outside, at the grass, the wind blowing, the cats sneaking around, the people walking their dogs, children playing football, birds flying through the sky.

    I've got therapy 4 days a week, and it's a bit over 10 km away from where I live. Now the weather is improving I'm going there on my bicycle at least 2 days a week, and when going there (it's all through open fields and tiny villages), it's just beautiful. Every day I notice something new, something different. The way the sun shines differently every day, the different birds, different people, different direction of the wind.
    It's all so beautiful. How can something so beautiful exist??

    If I look at myself a year ago and I look at myself now, I'm so proud of how far I've come.
    I used to be in my room like all the time. I'd go to sleep somewhere in the morning (10am, 11am, 9am), and sometimes even afternoon, and get up to have breakfast/lunch at like 5pm, then go back to my room and fry something / put something in the microwave at like 3am or so. I didn't do fuck all with my life, except for having one bottle of booze after the other, mixed with drugs... I had no money, no income, nothing. I wouldn't shower for days. I wouldn't eat for days at an end and sometimes I even wouldn't sleep for a few nights.
    I didn't have contact with my dad and his wife, nor my sister or any family for that matter. I'd left my parents' place at February 25th ('07) and hadn't been back there since.
    I ended up trying to commit suicide just over a year ago. That didn't work (obviously), then later on I started chronically overdosing on certain tablets... until after a week I ended up in hospital overnight.
    That's when I got in touch with the mental health centre.

    Now a little over a year later I'm in group-therapy, 4 days a week. And I will be leaving this group somewhere in June. I'm gonna go to a rock music festival for 4 days at the beginning of July and after that I'm going on a three-week holiday to the Czech Republic (hitch-hiking) with my best mate. Then in August there's the introduction of university and all that crap, and in september I'm gonna start the bachelor degree programme English Language and Culture at university.
    My therapists say I've got "Borderline Personality Disorder traits" and I show "a LOT of symptoms of ADD/ADHD", I've been on anti-depressants for a while but they didn't do anything, and now I'm on Ritalin (for ADD/ADHD), which seems to be doing me a lot of good.
    I'm building up a relationship with my dad and his wife again and last Easter I've actually been back at their place for the first time since February 25th last year. I saw our dog there again (Bless him, he recognised me).
    I have a cat (Madeleine) which I love to death. I have wonderful friends. And I've started to pay off my debts bit by bit.

    All in all.. I can be pretty damn proud of myself. I actually have managed to turn my life around and to be able to have a proper future again.

    so this is to prove that things CAN get better!!!

    The deeper you feel sadness,
    The deeper you'll feel happiness.

    All my love,

    Est x
  2. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    Great great great stuff Est :D :hug:
  3. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    I'm proud of you ester :hug:
  4. Ire

    Ire Guest

    Sounds like someone is getting a little of the manic side of bipolar :p

    Just remember how you felt this time, next time you get depressed.
  5. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    Sooooo proud of you Ester - you're story is inspirational! I know you can keep this up and be happy for years to come! :smile:
  6. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Actually I'm not bipolar :smile: I don't have manic periods.

    And I will remember indeed, when I feel low again. In fact we need to feel low every now and then to actually be able to feel good and to appreciate life for what it is. If we would never feel low, we'd take life and all the beautiful things it's got to offer for granted.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'm glad things are looking positive for you :hug:
  8. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    This is great news!! We haven't been in contact lately, but I know how you had been doing, and I'm elated that you're doing so much better.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.