I've been dealt a bad hand and I'm trying to make it work for me. No one forced me to sit at that table, and I accept whatever blame is due to me. But here I am, with an STD from my first love, and another from some man back when I had no love for myself. I've always given too much, never reserving anything for myself; worked hard at all I've done, despite a lack of success. I'm exhausted, alone, unwanted, unheard. No one will ever see how awesome i could have been.
Because I don't know anyone who will listen and I'm screaming inside...
- Thread starter annief
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Bad hands, regrets and could have beens have been dominating my mind lately. Nobody would listen if I screamed anyway. I dont know what to tell you other than some of us make shit choices, but sometimes our judgement is clouded or manipulated by others when making said choices. Thinking of what could have been in times of despair tends to amplify the negative. Thats my two cents, as for relief I cant give you any suggestions, our situations being so different. Just say fuck it and scrape together some things that you care about. Breathe.
I'm sure you can and will survive. In spite of your undesirable situation, you, a living human being, have access to positive opportunities which others don't have. Something I try to encourage people to do is write about themselves. Commit to introspection. Gain a more mastered understanding of the nuances of your thought through writing journals. It'll permit you, overtime, to cast aside grandiosity and search for purposeful alternatives to despairing. Of course, I don't judge you for despairing, but this is simply a suggestion which will hopefully point you toward the direction of purposeful coping, rather than merely reactive coping. Consider getting professional help as well, if you find that your own self-healing pursuits are unsatisfactory.
Take care.
Take care.
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