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because i hate me now too....

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by forever_scarred, Apr 28, 2013.

  1. forever_scarred

    forever_scarred Well-Known Member

    im losing it emotionally. ive been fighting a headache...one of those 'hospital' ones for about an hour...seems attacks co-inside with them. i get angry and that doesnt help...angry at myself nto at others. my brain is getting worse and the more ppl rely on me to bail them out the worse i get. im sick i get that but it doesnt mean i understand it or why all of the sudden shit hit the fan. i cant explain what i feel to anyone and it gets worse and worse. i keep trying to die but i cant even succeed with that. i watch my video over and over and repeat the quote over and over (the one in my signature). im far from lost, far long dead and yet i still sit here not because i want to or feel i cant leave...i know im a burden when i am like this. i cant help anyone and if u know me at all, ud know that not being able to help is the worst torture of all. i dont try anymore...i dont try to help or fix myself because i know i cant. its just a matter of time before one of my attempts is successfull. the only thing i have been successful in thus far is damaging my circulation, my joints, and my breathing but thats not enough. i died mentally when moms spirit slipped away now its time for my body to follow.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 28, 2013
  2. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    we are all here to help you.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    hi hun sorry you are in such a bad place I so can relate that when one is not able to help others it makes one feel so useless right

    You hun are not any of those things in your avatar. Depressed yes you are and if you do not have energy to help yourself please get someone to do it for you Dam depression sucks all energy i know but if you can just reach out to someone anyone to help you then things won't be so dark hun

    You can get well i know you don't think so but you can with therapy meds ok you can get stronger again please know that. YOur mom spirit lies in you and she would never wanted you to be sad she would not want you to harm yourself h un She would want you to reach out for help hugs