im losing it emotionally. ive been fighting a headache...one of those 'hospital' ones for about an hour...seems attacks co-inside with them. i get angry and that doesnt help...angry at myself nto at others. my brain is getting worse and the more ppl rely on me to bail them out the worse i get. im sick i get that but it doesnt mean i understand it or why all of the sudden shit hit the fan. i cant explain what i feel to anyone and it gets worse and worse. i keep trying to die but i cant even succeed with that. i watch my video over and over and repeat the quote over and over (the one in my signature). im far from lost, far long dead and yet i still sit here not because i want to or feel i cant leave...i know im a burden when i am like this. i cant help anyone and if u know me at all, ud know that not being able to help is the worst torture of all. i dont try anymore...i dont try to help or fix myself because i know i cant. its just a matter of time before one of my attempts is successfull. the only thing i have been successful in thus far is damaging my circulation, my joints, and my breathing but thats not enough. i died mentally when moms spirit slipped away now its time for my body to follow.